Before they know themselves

Today Jack is 3 months old and I am celebrating that I reached my second mini goal with pumping :) When I think back to starting this journey with Jack and how scared I was it doesn't really seem possible that we have made it this far already. All the nights spent crying while trying to hold my screaming baby while I pumped milk for his bottle. How awesome it felt the day I got a bottle ahead of him and he didn't have to wait for me to pump in order to eat. The first full bag of milk that I was able to put in the freezer. The day I had to buy a deep freezer because I had no where else to put milk. These are not the milestones I expected to be celebrating with Jack, but they are our milestones and they mean a lot to us.

Pumping has opened up this weird kind of space in my schedule each day. I have to be sitting down next to the outlet while I am plugged in and pumping it up ( as Ella would say). What am I to do with these 20 minutes every 3 hours? Sometimes I watch episodes of a t.v. series, sometimes I catch up on the games of Ruzzle I have going on, sometimes I surf facebook, blogger and pinterest.

 Lately though, I have started to use this time to pray about my babies. To pray about the village of people who surround me and my family and do life with us. To pray about the children of my closest friends.

I was watching the show Pregnant in Heels and there was a women who was nervous about motherhood because she had lost her own mother at a very young age. She was worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she wouldn't have the ability to call up her mom and ask her the millions of questions that every new mom has. She said "It is hard to not have that one person around who loved me before I even  knew myself". That statement stopped me in my tracks. How true is that of a parent. I hold these precious gifts in my hands each day and love them with all my heart. I have no idea what kind of people they will become. What they will like or dislike. What talents they will possess. What their downfalls and struggles will be. None of that matters to me. They are my babies and I love them! I am finding this to be a lot better use of my pumping time. I am enjoying the chance to sit still and talk to my Father about what kind of people my children will become and how I can help mold them into the people He knit them to be.