My Favorite Thing About Social Media

Social media can most definitely have it's ups and downs. There's cyber bullying, risque pics of waaay tooo young girls, insane amounts of photo shop and filters, fights and over all cattiness. But the one thing I love about social media is that when its used correctly it can be such a great tool for communication. Since the birth of my son, Jack, I have turned to social media more than ever before. I had no idea what the heck I was doing with him as far feeding him and exclusively pumping. I was staring down a road filled with doctor appointments and surgeries and speech therapy and I didn't know how in the world I was going to manage all of that and take care of my 22 month old daughter at the same time. Then low and behold, on a tear filled night full of baby screams and not enough breast milk, I stumbled on to an online group full of women who were exclusively pumping ( EPing).

It was as if the skies had opened up and God was shining a light directly towards this group. Women from all over the world. Women who have babies with special needs. Women who have EPed for years... yea that's right... YEARS! Talk about a wealth of knowledge! I could get on this group page at any hour of the night and ask any question I needed. Within minutes someone would be answering.

I had some place to share my failures and my triumphs. A place where the women would celebrate with me and pray for me. I met women on there who live close to me and one of them, God bless her, sent me a bunch of Haberman nipples when she heard that mine were going bad. Haberman nipples are the only way that Jack could drink his bottles and they are NOT cheap. The nipple alone retails for close to $30. Not to mention the valves and rings and bottles. So sending me multiple nipples was not a small thing... it was a big deal to us! Beth if you are reading this, thanks again! You are an angel!

Recently I joined a group on facebook that is for cleft babies. Because clefts are a midline defect, the children who have them can also have a wide range of other birth defects, genetic syndromes, and various other medical conditions. What's amazing about this group is the support that I have seen. I wish I would have found them sooner because the way these people lift each other up and support each other is amazing. It's this busy beehive of people who are navigating different hospitals around the world and sharing their experiences with surgical teams. They tell you suggestions for what to pack for the hospital stays. They post each day, which child is undergoing surgery so that we can all pray for them. They post pictures of before and after surgery. They are honest and raw and unafraid to share the details that are terrifying. They even have a foundation that people can sponsor you and send your child a care package on surgery day to help them feel better, included is an adorable teddy bear with a cleft scar.  To me it reveals a glimpse into why God wants us to be in fellowship with people. Why we are made to live in community with other people and to not walk alone in our struggles or our victories.

I may be a bit biased but cleft affected babies are the absolute best babies. They go through so much pain and even when the physical pain subsides they face a lifelong possibility of being the target for schoolyard bullies. They are tough little boogers and they take it all in stride. Yet, through it all they remain sweet and affectionate. They are still trusting and kind.

Any who, I am rambling now. I just wanted to say that yes Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and whatever other social media outlets there are that I am not cool enough to know about, can be pretty crappy. But they also provide me a way to connect with people who understand the fear of dealing with my child's "special needs" and let me know that I am not alone.

If you are wondering about how to get set up with groups like the ones I am in, it is literally as easy as typing in "Cleft Moms" or "Exclusive Pumping" in the search bar. Just in case you are still confused, here are the links to the ones I am in.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/cleftmomsupport/

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/19128555821/

 ^ that one is for EP

also http://www.cleftopedia.com/ is an amazing resource for mothers or fathers of cleft affected kiddos.

The Seasons They're a Changin'

I have seriously neglected this blog lately. Life has been crazy beautiful, filled with kid stuff and school and work and internships and ministry and time with friends and etc and etc and etc. I know they say that these few precious years of your kids being small will go by quickly and for the most part that is true, but there are also parts of it that seem endlessly long! The diaper changes, nap strikes, tantrums, and countless toys being flinged at my head don't seem to be coming to an end any time soon. Ha Ha! I wouldn't trade it for anything, though!

Ella is getting smarter by the minute. She is constantly telling me what letter each word starts with and what sounds each letter makes. She loves to learn and to read books. She is also turning into quite the little negotiator... "Dad, how about we watch one more Doc Mcstuffins show and then I will go to bed." "Mommy, how about we eat one more cookie and then we can do puzzles."  It wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't so incredibly cute and articulate!

Jack is turning into quite the sensitive soul. He is full of hugs and smooches. He doesn't like it when anyone is crying or seems sad. His biggest interest is whatever his sister is doing haha. If Ella is playing dolls, Jack is playing dolls. If Ella is dancing and singing, Jack is dancing and singing. If Ella is peeing on the potty, Jack is taking all of the toilet paper off of the roll and shoving it into the trash can... anyway... you get the picture. The last time I wrote on here Jack had just gone through surgery. He is doing amazing and saying new words all the time. They always told me that one day when he is grown, I will have a hard time remembering that he ever had a cleft palate. I am really starting to believe that.

As for Sean and I, well we have been busy with school. Sean finished his first degree in May and is now working on a second one. In the mean time he is still working at WoodMizer and keeping an open mind to opportunities that come his way. I took last year off to focus on taking care of Jack and Ella and started classes this August. Right now I am doing an internship with young mothers, mostly teens. I love it! We do a short Bible lesson, then have open discussion , do goal setting, talk about all things baby related and end with prayer requests. God has truly blessed me by allowing me to get to know such a great group of young women. And of course as a bonus I get to steal endless amounts of cuddles from adorable babies! The goal for me is to graduate with a degree in Human Services in May 2015. I don't have any definitive career goals right now, but I'm just trying to remain open to whatever God has in store for that area of my life. 

Health wise I have not had a great couple of months. I will avoid going into too much detail but it deals with girl organs and their inability to work. Cancer runs deep in both sides of my family and I watched as my Uncle passed away from it this summer so it was really important to us to get everything checked out by a doctor. I had blood work done and an ultrasound and the doctor is on top of things. This week we got somewhat of a diagnosis, it's not cancer as far as they can tell, and now we have a treatment plan so that has been a real answer to prayer! I am so incredibly thankful for the people who have prayed for me and called to check up on me during the last two months! I will never be able to find the words to express how awesome the community around us is!

So thats where we are and where we have been. And now here are some adorable pics of the kiddos as a reward for reading our update!

                                                         Jack playing in the leaves at the park

                                                            Ella in the TeePee at the park

                                                     Fun times at the homecoming parade!

                                               Ella playing dress up, instead of napping

                                                 Learning about the letter F

                                       Jack being all cute and showing his insane eyelashes

                                                          Picking out pumpkins

                                              Ella and her Bestie ( Gia ) at the parade!

A hidden blessing

I have been absent from this blog for quite some time now. For a number of reasons really...the biggest being that the past year has really wrecked me. In both good ways and bad. Thankfully, mostly good. Normally when I am dealing with a lot of stress and emotions I turn to writing as a way to cope. To me there is something invaluable about spilling your soul out on paper (or computer). But in this past season of life, writing has been the farthest thing from my mind. That is until a good friend of mine asked me a simple question.

What is God doing in your life right now?

At first I found it easy to answer. I am a wife and mother of two. I work a part time job caring for other peoples children.  My husband and I are both currently students as well as youth sponsors....what is God doing in my life? He is sustaining me. He is giving me strength and patience and grace, oh so much grace, as I fail on a daily basis. After giving my answer I felt uneasy. Could this truly be all that I see God doing in my life? Picking up the pieces of my responsibilities that I let slide through my hands? Making up for my shortcomings? Surely He has done many more things in my life. I decided to put the thought to prayer. To seek clear answers from Him about the ways He is working in me. How can I be more than just a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend.

The more I put this to prayer the more I felt like I was beginning to see pieces to this puzzle. God has been forcing me to take an honest look at my heart and my willingness to be faithful even in times of trial. I am telling you all of this because if I am truly honest with myself I have to admit that life since Jack has changed me. More than the normal change that comes from having a new baby. As most of you know, Jack was born with a cleft soft palate. Some of you have read my birth story and the little bits I have written about my year of exclusively pumping so that Jack could have breast milk. But what you dont know is that this past year I have never felt like such a failure. Barely treading water, letting friendships slip, losing my patience with my family, questioning God in ways that I am now ashamed of. Now that I am farther removed from the sleepless nights of a newborn and I have weaned from pumping, I am able to look back and clearly see how God could be using this season of my life for His glory. I am able to see how our experience with Jack has given us a peek into what living a life fully reliant on God might look like. Through every hard step of this year we have been met with an open hand from God. Guiding us to the right people. The right surgeon, pediatrician, pediatric allergist and most importantly to me, the right lactation consultant. So far the story of Jack is filled with examples of Gods provisions and love.

This week we have begun the closing chapter of Jack's cleft journey. He had surgery on Monday and did amazing! His surgeon did a great job, both at fixing the cleft and keeping us calm during the process. For me, this week has been full of bittersweet emotions. I have longed and prayed so many times for Jack to be "fixed". I cant wait to hear his speech start blossoming and to be able to communicate with him better. But I have also grown accustomed to seeing his cleft when he laughs uncontrollably and to me it became one of my favorite features of his face. Something that made him stand out. The thing that made him such an amazing baby in my eyes. Jack is a warrior! He has dealt with his cleft better than I ever imagined he would. And surgery, well lets just say I could not be more proud of how strong he was/is through this whole thing.

So to answer the question...What has God been doing in my life recently?

He has been providing for me, sustaining me, blessing me and challenging me. He has put together the best medical team for  my son. He has been showing me the power of community and teaching me that its ok to rely on friends. He has been molding me into a better mother by giving me opportunities to practice patience and faith. He has been teaching me how to be a better wife by giving me opportunties to practice living under my husbands authority. He has been showing me that if I allow Him to, He will use any trial in my life to bring Him glory. It is only by His grace that we have made it through this. And as I sit here and look at my son, who is currently snoring and drooling on his pillow, I realize that his birth defect, his cleft, has been an amazing blessing to us!

My Village

Meet my Village! In my last blog post I talked about praying for the people who "do life" with my family and I. This is a picture of most of the women who I "do life" with.

I was not one to be friends with a lot of girls growing up. I was the only girl in my family and I played sports. To say I was a tomboy is an under statement. I was unaware of how wonderful a community of girls could be. And then girls night was born. It started out as just a couple of us girls getting together once a week for some kid free, husband free girl time. We drank wine, talked about movies, music, random things we had seen in the news or in magazines that week. Slowly girls night developed into something much more. It became a place where we felt safe. A place where no topic was off limits. Where we could ask questions about God, marriage, image, careers, random medical conditions, child rearing and much more. It became something that is crucial to my daily sanity. Going through the week knowing that on Girls Night we will all sit together and chat for an hour or two helps me put things in perspective. Girls Night also flowed into other parts of our lives. It encouraged our husbands to want to hang out with each other and slowly our families all started hanging out together. I got to know their children and started to view them as more of family than just friends.

I am a firm believer in the statement "It takes a village to raise a child". These people love my children almost as much as I do. They care for us and know us. They pray for us and with us. They help us to find hope in bad situations and are there to hold our hands when things don't turn out the way we want them to. They are my community, my family, My Village!

Before they know themselves

Today Jack is 3 months old and I am celebrating that I reached my second mini goal with pumping :) When I think back to starting this journey with Jack and how scared I was it doesn't really seem possible that we have made it this far already. All the nights spent crying while trying to hold my screaming baby while I pumped milk for his bottle. How awesome it felt the day I got a bottle ahead of him and he didn't have to wait for me to pump in order to eat. The first full bag of milk that I was able to put in the freezer. The day I had to buy a deep freezer because I had no where else to put milk. These are not the milestones I expected to be celebrating with Jack, but they are our milestones and they mean a lot to us.

Pumping has opened up this weird kind of space in my schedule each day. I have to be sitting down next to the outlet while I am plugged in and pumping it up ( as Ella would say). What am I to do with these 20 minutes every 3 hours? Sometimes I watch episodes of a t.v. series, sometimes I catch up on the games of Ruzzle I have going on, sometimes I surf facebook, blogger and pinterest.

 Lately though, I have started to use this time to pray about my babies. To pray about the village of people who surround me and my family and do life with us. To pray about the children of my closest friends.

I was watching the show Pregnant in Heels and there was a women who was nervous about motherhood because she had lost her own mother at a very young age. She was worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she wouldn't have the ability to call up her mom and ask her the millions of questions that every new mom has. She said "It is hard to not have that one person around who loved me before I even  knew myself". That statement stopped me in my tracks. How true is that of a parent. I hold these precious gifts in my hands each day and love them with all my heart. I have no idea what kind of people they will become. What they will like or dislike. What talents they will possess. What their downfalls and struggles will be. None of that matters to me. They are my babies and I love them! I am finding this to be a lot better use of my pumping time. I am enjoying the chance to sit still and talk to my Father about what kind of people my children will become and how I can help mold them into the people He knit them to be.

My Song, Mommy?

When Ella was a baby the only thing that used to calm her down was to sing to her. Each night she would want to lay in my arms and listen to a few songs. And each night I would struggle to remember the words of nursery rhymes. It seems silly because one would think that nursery rhymes are permanently engrained in our brains from when we were children... that is not the case with me. I would get one or two lines in and switch to a new song because I couldn't remember anything else lol. I finally just gave up on nursery rhymes all together. I began singing songs that I loved as a kid. Songs like Landslide and Silver Spring by Fleetwood Mac, Barrell of Money, and a wide assortment of worship songs.

The one song that always was in the front of my mind when I would rock Ella was the song "Make You Feel my Love". It got to the point where I would just sing that to her each night. It slowly has developed into "our song". This morning I was playing songs from my "labor" mix on my computer. It is a list of songs that I have used as focal points during labor with both my kids. Ella was sitting on my lap and that song started playing and she got the  biggest smile on her face.

"My song, mommy?" she asked.
  "You are absolutely right" I replied.

 She sat there with me as I told her about why that is her song. I told her about how on the day she was born I played that song over and over. She sat quietly and twirled my hair as I talked about my problem with forgetting lyrics to children's songs and how this song kept creeping up each time I would rock her. She looked at me like she was soaking in every word and able to understand all of the meaning behind it. I know that her two year old mind was just enjoying the music playing in the background but my 26 year old heart was melting!

In case you are wondering, Jack also has a song. His is "A Place Only You can Go" by NeedtoBreathe.

An Update on the Kiddos

This is slightly over due. I haven't really had the time lately to sit down and write about anything. A lot has been going on in both our lives and the lives of close friends around us. Here is a quick update on Ella and Jack.
 Ella is learning new things everyday. She is constantly surprising me with the stuff she knows. I swear each day there is a new color, letter, shape or number that she has talking to about. She is also talking in full sentences now and becoming quite the comedian. Her new favorite "joke"
Ella: Knock Ock Mommy ( yes that is how she says knock knock)
Me: Whose there
Ella: Insanely loud laughter followed by her yelling "Oh Ella so funny"

She is amazing to me. Of course I have always felt like she is the smartest, most beautiful and loving little girl that ever existed ( not that I am biased or anything) but watching her little personality bloom has been such a blessing to me! I feel incredibly lucky to be her Momma!
 

                                              Ella helping Jack eat his bottle

                                   I walked in to check on her during nap and found her
                                     sleeping like this, so beautiful!


 Jack is growing like crazy! His little cheeks are filling out and he is belly laughing a lot more now. He is figuring out his hands and how to grab onto toys when he wants to. He wants to roll sooo bad but just isn't quite there yet. He is also sleeping between 8-10 hours every night now as well, which for Sean and I has been a huge help! I fall more in love with this little man every day!

                                              My favorite expression of Jack's

                                          Jack crashed out during tummy time