Social media can most definitely have it's ups and downs. There's cyber bullying, risque pics of waaay tooo young girls, insane amounts of photo shop and filters, fights and over all cattiness. But the one thing I love about social media is that when its used correctly it can be such a great tool for communication. Since the birth of my son, Jack, I have turned to social media more than ever before. I had no idea what the heck I was doing with him as far feeding him and exclusively pumping. I was staring down a road filled with doctor appointments and surgeries and speech therapy and I didn't know how in the world I was going to manage all of that and take care of my 22 month old daughter at the same time. Then low and behold, on a tear filled night full of baby screams and not enough breast milk, I stumbled on to an online group full of women who were exclusively pumping ( EPing).
It was as if the skies had opened up and God was shining a light directly towards this group. Women from all over the world. Women who have babies with special needs. Women who have EPed for years... yea that's right... YEARS! Talk about a wealth of knowledge! I could get on this group page at any hour of the night and ask any question I needed. Within minutes someone would be answering.
I had some place to share my failures and my triumphs. A place where the women would celebrate with me and pray for me. I met women on there who live close to me and one of them, God bless her, sent me a bunch of Haberman nipples when she heard that mine were going bad. Haberman nipples are the only way that Jack could drink his bottles and they are NOT cheap. The nipple alone retails for close to $30. Not to mention the valves and rings and bottles. So sending me multiple nipples was not a small thing... it was a big deal to us! Beth if you are reading this, thanks again! You are an angel!
Recently I joined a group on facebook that is for cleft babies. Because clefts are a midline defect, the children who have them can also have a wide range of other birth defects, genetic syndromes, and various other medical conditions. What's amazing about this group is the support that I have seen. I wish I would have found them sooner because the way these people lift each other up and support each other is amazing. It's this busy beehive of people who are navigating different hospitals around the world and sharing their experiences with surgical teams. They tell you suggestions for what to pack for the hospital stays. They post each day, which child is undergoing surgery so that we can all pray for them. They post pictures of before and after surgery. They are honest and raw and unafraid to share the details that are terrifying. They even have a foundation that people can sponsor you and send your child a care package on surgery day to help them feel better, included is an adorable teddy bear with a cleft scar. To me it reveals a glimpse into why God wants us to be in fellowship with people. Why we are made to live in community with other people and to not walk alone in our struggles or our victories.
I may be a bit biased but cleft affected babies are the absolute best babies. They go through so much pain and even when the physical pain subsides they face a lifelong possibility of being the target for schoolyard bullies. They are tough little boogers and they take it all in stride. Yet, through it all they remain sweet and affectionate. They are still trusting and kind.
Any who, I am rambling now. I just wanted to say that yes Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and whatever other social media outlets there are that I am not cool enough to know about, can be pretty crappy. But they also provide me a way to connect with people who understand the fear of dealing with my child's "special needs" and let me know that I am not alone.
If you are wondering about how to get set up with groups like the ones I am in, it is literally as easy as typing in "Cleft Moms" or "Exclusive Pumping" in the search bar. Just in case you are still confused, here are the links to the ones I am in.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/cleftmomsupport/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/19128555821/
^ that one is for EP
also http://www.cleftopedia.com/ is an amazing resource for mothers or fathers of cleft affected kiddos.
Friday, October 24, 2014
Sunday, October 19, 2014
The Seasons They're a Changin'
I have seriously neglected this blog lately. Life has been crazy beautiful, filled with kid stuff and school and work and internships and ministry and time with friends and etc and etc and etc. I know they say that these few precious years of your kids being small will go by quickly and for the most part that is true, but there are also parts of it that seem endlessly long! The diaper changes, nap strikes, tantrums, and countless toys being flinged at my head don't seem to be coming to an end any time soon. Ha Ha! I wouldn't trade it for anything, though!
Ella is getting smarter by the minute. She is constantly telling me what letter each word starts with and what sounds each letter makes. She loves to learn and to read books. She is also turning into quite the little negotiator... "Dad, how about we watch one more Doc Mcstuffins show and then I will go to bed." "Mommy, how about we eat one more cookie and then we can do puzzles." It wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't so incredibly cute and articulate!
Jack is turning into quite the sensitive soul. He is full of hugs and smooches. He doesn't like it when anyone is crying or seems sad. His biggest interest is whatever his sister is doing haha. If Ella is playing dolls, Jack is playing dolls. If Ella is dancing and singing, Jack is dancing and singing. If Ella is peeing on the potty, Jack is taking all of the toilet paper off of the roll and shoving it into the trash can... anyway... you get the picture. The last time I wrote on here Jack had just gone through surgery. He is doing amazing and saying new words all the time. They always told me that one day when he is grown, I will have a hard time remembering that he ever had a cleft palate. I am really starting to believe that.
As for Sean and I, well we have been busy with school. Sean finished his first degree in May and is now working on a second one. In the mean time he is still working at WoodMizer and keeping an open mind to opportunities that come his way. I took last year off to focus on taking care of Jack and Ella and started classes this August. Right now I am doing an internship with young mothers, mostly teens. I love it! We do a short Bible lesson, then have open discussion , do goal setting, talk about all things baby related and end with prayer requests. God has truly blessed me by allowing me to get to know such a great group of young women. And of course as a bonus I get to steal endless amounts of cuddles from adorable babies! The goal for me is to graduate with a degree in Human Services in May 2015. I don't have any definitive career goals right now, but I'm just trying to remain open to whatever God has in store for that area of my life.
Health wise I have not had a great couple of months. I will avoid going into too much detail but it deals with girl organs and their inability to work. Cancer runs deep in both sides of my family and I watched as my Uncle passed away from it this summer so it was really important to us to get everything checked out by a doctor. I had blood work done and an ultrasound and the doctor is on top of things. This week we got somewhat of a diagnosis, it's not cancer as far as they can tell, and now we have a treatment plan so that has been a real answer to prayer! I am so incredibly thankful for the people who have prayed for me and called to check up on me during the last two months! I will never be able to find the words to express how awesome the community around us is!
So thats where we are and where we have been. And now here are some adorable pics of the kiddos as a reward for reading our update!
Jack playing in the leaves at the park
Ella in the TeePee at the park
Fun times at the homecoming parade!
Ella playing dress up, instead of napping
Learning about the letter F
Jack being all cute and showing his insane eyelashes
Picking out pumpkins
Ella and her Bestie ( Gia ) at the parade!
Ella is getting smarter by the minute. She is constantly telling me what letter each word starts with and what sounds each letter makes. She loves to learn and to read books. She is also turning into quite the little negotiator... "Dad, how about we watch one more Doc Mcstuffins show and then I will go to bed." "Mommy, how about we eat one more cookie and then we can do puzzles." It wouldn't be such a problem if she wasn't so incredibly cute and articulate!
Jack is turning into quite the sensitive soul. He is full of hugs and smooches. He doesn't like it when anyone is crying or seems sad. His biggest interest is whatever his sister is doing haha. If Ella is playing dolls, Jack is playing dolls. If Ella is dancing and singing, Jack is dancing and singing. If Ella is peeing on the potty, Jack is taking all of the toilet paper off of the roll and shoving it into the trash can... anyway... you get the picture. The last time I wrote on here Jack had just gone through surgery. He is doing amazing and saying new words all the time. They always told me that one day when he is grown, I will have a hard time remembering that he ever had a cleft palate. I am really starting to believe that.
As for Sean and I, well we have been busy with school. Sean finished his first degree in May and is now working on a second one. In the mean time he is still working at WoodMizer and keeping an open mind to opportunities that come his way. I took last year off to focus on taking care of Jack and Ella and started classes this August. Right now I am doing an internship with young mothers, mostly teens. I love it! We do a short Bible lesson, then have open discussion , do goal setting, talk about all things baby related and end with prayer requests. God has truly blessed me by allowing me to get to know such a great group of young women. And of course as a bonus I get to steal endless amounts of cuddles from adorable babies! The goal for me is to graduate with a degree in Human Services in May 2015. I don't have any definitive career goals right now, but I'm just trying to remain open to whatever God has in store for that area of my life.
Health wise I have not had a great couple of months. I will avoid going into too much detail but it deals with girl organs and their inability to work. Cancer runs deep in both sides of my family and I watched as my Uncle passed away from it this summer so it was really important to us to get everything checked out by a doctor. I had blood work done and an ultrasound and the doctor is on top of things. This week we got somewhat of a diagnosis, it's not cancer as far as they can tell, and now we have a treatment plan so that has been a real answer to prayer! I am so incredibly thankful for the people who have prayed for me and called to check up on me during the last two months! I will never be able to find the words to express how awesome the community around us is!
So thats where we are and where we have been. And now here are some adorable pics of the kiddos as a reward for reading our update!
Monday, January 20, 2014
A hidden blessing
I have been absent from this blog for quite some time now. For a number of reasons really...the biggest being that the past year has really wrecked me. In both good ways and bad. Thankfully, mostly good. Normally when I am dealing with a lot of stress and emotions I turn to writing as a way to cope. To me there is something invaluable about spilling your soul out on paper (or computer). But in this past season of life, writing has been the farthest thing from my mind. That is until a good friend of mine asked me a simple question.
What is God doing in your life right now?
At first I found it easy to answer. I am a wife and mother of two. I work a part time job caring for other peoples children. My husband and I are both currently students as well as youth sponsors....what is God doing in my life? He is sustaining me. He is giving me strength and patience and grace, oh so much grace, as I fail on a daily basis. After giving my answer I felt uneasy. Could this truly be all that I see God doing in my life? Picking up the pieces of my responsibilities that I let slide through my hands? Making up for my shortcomings? Surely He has done many more things in my life. I decided to put the thought to prayer. To seek clear answers from Him about the ways He is working in me. How can I be more than just a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend.
The more I put this to prayer the more I felt like I was beginning to see pieces to this puzzle. God has been forcing me to take an honest look at my heart and my willingness to be faithful even in times of trial. I am telling you all of this because if I am truly honest with myself I have to admit that life since Jack has changed me. More than the normal change that comes from having a new baby. As most of you know, Jack was born with a cleft soft palate. Some of you have read my birth story and the little bits I have written about my year of exclusively pumping so that Jack could have breast milk. But what you dont know is that this past year I have never felt like such a failure. Barely treading water, letting friendships slip, losing my patience with my family, questioning God in ways that I am now ashamed of. Now that I am farther removed from the sleepless nights of a newborn and I have weaned from pumping, I am able to look back and clearly see how God could be using this season of my life for His glory. I am able to see how our experience with Jack has given us a peek into what living a life fully reliant on God might look like. Through every hard step of this year we have been met with an open hand from God. Guiding us to the right people. The right surgeon, pediatrician, pediatric allergist and most importantly to me, the right lactation consultant. So far the story of Jack is filled with examples of Gods provisions and love.
This week we have begun the closing chapter of Jack's cleft journey. He had surgery on Monday and did amazing! His surgeon did a great job, both at fixing the cleft and keeping us calm during the process. For me, this week has been full of bittersweet emotions. I have longed and prayed so many times for Jack to be "fixed". I cant wait to hear his speech start blossoming and to be able to communicate with him better. But I have also grown accustomed to seeing his cleft when he laughs uncontrollably and to me it became one of my favorite features of his face. Something that made him stand out. The thing that made him such an amazing baby in my eyes. Jack is a warrior! He has dealt with his cleft better than I ever imagined he would. And surgery, well lets just say I could not be more proud of how strong he was/is through this whole thing.
So to answer the question...What has God been doing in my life recently?
He has been providing for me, sustaining me, blessing me and challenging me. He has put together the best medical team for my son. He has been showing me the power of community and teaching me that its ok to rely on friends. He has been molding me into a better mother by giving me opportunities to practice patience and faith. He has been teaching me how to be a better wife by giving me opportunties to practice living under my husbands authority. He has been showing me that if I allow Him to, He will use any trial in my life to bring Him glory. It is only by His grace that we have made it through this. And as I sit here and look at my son, who is currently snoring and drooling on his pillow, I realize that his birth defect, his cleft, has been an amazing blessing to us!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
My Village
Meet my Village! In my last blog post I talked about praying for the people who "do life" with my family and I. This is a picture of most of the women who I "do life" with.
I was not one to be friends with a lot of girls growing up. I was the only girl in my family and I played sports. To say I was a tomboy is an under statement. I was unaware of how wonderful a community of girls could be. And then girls night was born. It started out as just a couple of us girls getting together once a week for some kid free, husband free girl time. We drank wine, talked about movies, music, random things we had seen in the news or in magazines that week. Slowly girls night developed into something much more. It became a place where we felt safe. A place where no topic was off limits. Where we could ask questions about God, marriage, image, careers, random medical conditions, child rearing and much more. It became something that is crucial to my daily sanity. Going through the week knowing that on Girls Night we will all sit together and chat for an hour or two helps me put things in perspective. Girls Night also flowed into other parts of our lives. It encouraged our husbands to want to hang out with each other and slowly our families all started hanging out together. I got to know their children and started to view them as more of family than just friends.
I am a firm believer in the statement "It takes a village to raise a child". These people love my children almost as much as I do. They care for us and know us. They pray for us and with us. They help us to find hope in bad situations and are there to hold our hands when things don't turn out the way we want them to. They are my community, my family, My Village!
Before they know themselves
Today Jack is 3 months old and I am celebrating that I reached my second mini goal with pumping :) When I think back to starting this journey with Jack and how scared I was it doesn't really seem possible that we have made it this far already. All the nights spent crying while trying to hold my screaming baby while I pumped milk for his bottle. How awesome it felt the day I got a bottle ahead of him and he didn't have to wait for me to pump in order to eat. The first full bag of milk that I was able to put in the freezer. The day I had to buy a deep freezer because I had no where else to put milk. These are not the milestones I expected to be celebrating with Jack, but they are our milestones and they mean a lot to us.
Pumping has opened up this weird kind of space in my schedule each day. I have to be sitting down next to the outlet while I am plugged in and pumping it up ( as Ella would say). What am I to do with these 20 minutes every 3 hours? Sometimes I watch episodes of a t.v. series, sometimes I catch up on the games of Ruzzle I have going on, sometimes I surf facebook, blogger and pinterest.
Lately though, I have started to use this time to pray about my babies. To pray about the village of people who surround me and my family and do life with us. To pray about the children of my closest friends.
I was watching the show Pregnant in Heels and there was a women who was nervous about motherhood because she had lost her own mother at a very young age. She was worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she wouldn't have the ability to call up her mom and ask her the millions of questions that every new mom has. She said "It is hard to not have that one person around who loved me before I even knew myself". That statement stopped me in my tracks. How true is that of a parent. I hold these precious gifts in my hands each day and love them with all my heart. I have no idea what kind of people they will become. What they will like or dislike. What talents they will possess. What their downfalls and struggles will be. None of that matters to me. They are my babies and I love them! I am finding this to be a lot better use of my pumping time. I am enjoying the chance to sit still and talk to my Father about what kind of people my children will become and how I can help mold them into the people He knit them to be.
Pumping has opened up this weird kind of space in my schedule each day. I have to be sitting down next to the outlet while I am plugged in and pumping it up ( as Ella would say). What am I to do with these 20 minutes every 3 hours? Sometimes I watch episodes of a t.v. series, sometimes I catch up on the games of Ruzzle I have going on, sometimes I surf facebook, blogger and pinterest.
Lately though, I have started to use this time to pray about my babies. To pray about the village of people who surround me and my family and do life with us. To pray about the children of my closest friends.
I was watching the show Pregnant in Heels and there was a women who was nervous about motherhood because she had lost her own mother at a very young age. She was worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she wouldn't have the ability to call up her mom and ask her the millions of questions that every new mom has. She said "It is hard to not have that one person around who loved me before I even knew myself". That statement stopped me in my tracks. How true is that of a parent. I hold these precious gifts in my hands each day and love them with all my heart. I have no idea what kind of people they will become. What they will like or dislike. What talents they will possess. What their downfalls and struggles will be. None of that matters to me. They are my babies and I love them! I am finding this to be a lot better use of my pumping time. I am enjoying the chance to sit still and talk to my Father about what kind of people my children will become and how I can help mold them into the people He knit them to be.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
My Song, Mommy?
When Ella was a baby the only thing that used to calm her down was to sing to her. Each night she would want to lay in my arms and listen to a few songs. And each night I would struggle to remember the words of nursery rhymes. It seems silly because one would think that nursery rhymes are permanently engrained in our brains from when we were children... that is not the case with me. I would get one or two lines in and switch to a new song because I couldn't remember anything else lol. I finally just gave up on nursery rhymes all together. I began singing songs that I loved as a kid. Songs like Landslide and Silver Spring by Fleetwood Mac, Barrell of Money, and a wide assortment of worship songs.
The one song that always was in the front of my mind when I would rock Ella was the song "Make You Feel my Love". It got to the point where I would just sing that to her each night. It slowly has developed into "our song". This morning I was playing songs from my "labor" mix on my computer. It is a list of songs that I have used as focal points during labor with both my kids. Ella was sitting on my lap and that song started playing and she got the biggest smile on her face.
"My song, mommy?" she asked.
"You are absolutely right" I replied.
She sat there with me as I told her about why that is her song. I told her about how on the day she was born I played that song over and over. She sat quietly and twirled my hair as I talked about my problem with forgetting lyrics to children's songs and how this song kept creeping up each time I would rock her. She looked at me like she was soaking in every word and able to understand all of the meaning behind it. I know that her two year old mind was just enjoying the music playing in the background but my 26 year old heart was melting!
In case you are wondering, Jack also has a song. His is "A Place Only You can Go" by NeedtoBreathe.
The one song that always was in the front of my mind when I would rock Ella was the song "Make You Feel my Love". It got to the point where I would just sing that to her each night. It slowly has developed into "our song". This morning I was playing songs from my "labor" mix on my computer. It is a list of songs that I have used as focal points during labor with both my kids. Ella was sitting on my lap and that song started playing and she got the biggest smile on her face.
"My song, mommy?" she asked.
"You are absolutely right" I replied.
She sat there with me as I told her about why that is her song. I told her about how on the day she was born I played that song over and over. She sat quietly and twirled my hair as I talked about my problem with forgetting lyrics to children's songs and how this song kept creeping up each time I would rock her. She looked at me like she was soaking in every word and able to understand all of the meaning behind it. I know that her two year old mind was just enjoying the music playing in the background but my 26 year old heart was melting!
In case you are wondering, Jack also has a song. His is "A Place Only You can Go" by NeedtoBreathe.
Monday, March 4, 2013
An Update on the Kiddos
This is slightly over due. I haven't really had the time lately to sit
down and write about anything. A lot has been going on in both our lives
and the lives of close friends around us. Here is a quick update on
Ella and Jack.
Ella is learning new things everyday. She is constantly surprising me with the stuff she knows. I swear each day there is a new color, letter, shape or number that she has talking to about. She is also talking in full sentences now and becoming quite the comedian. Her new favorite "joke"
Ella: Knock Ock Mommy ( yes that is how she says knock knock)
Me: Whose there
Ella: Insanely loud laughter followed by her yelling "Oh Ella so funny"
She is amazing to me. Of course I have always felt like she is the smartest, most beautiful and loving little girl that ever existed ( not that I am biased or anything) but watching her little personality bloom has been such a blessing to me! I feel incredibly lucky to be her Momma!
I walked in to check on her during nap and found her
sleeping like this, so beautiful!
Jack is growing like crazy! His little cheeks are filling out and he is belly laughing a lot more now. He is figuring out his hands and how to grab onto toys when he wants to. He wants to roll sooo bad but just isn't quite there yet. He is also sleeping between 8-10 hours every night now as well, which for Sean and I has been a huge help! I fall more in love with this little man every day!
My favorite expression of Jack's
Jack crashed out during tummy time
Ella is learning new things everyday. She is constantly surprising me with the stuff she knows. I swear each day there is a new color, letter, shape or number that she has talking to about. She is also talking in full sentences now and becoming quite the comedian. Her new favorite "joke"
Ella: Knock Ock Mommy ( yes that is how she says knock knock)
Me: Whose there
Ella: Insanely loud laughter followed by her yelling "Oh Ella so funny"
She is amazing to me. Of course I have always felt like she is the smartest, most beautiful and loving little girl that ever existed ( not that I am biased or anything) but watching her little personality bloom has been such a blessing to me! I feel incredibly lucky to be her Momma!
Ella helping Jack eat his bottle
sleeping like this, so beautiful!
Jack is growing like crazy! His little cheeks are filling out and he is belly laughing a lot more now. He is figuring out his hands and how to grab onto toys when he wants to. He wants to roll sooo bad but just isn't quite there yet. He is also sleeping between 8-10 hours every night now as well, which for Sean and I has been a huge help! I fall more in love with this little man every day!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
1 month goal!
Ah! We have reached our first mini goal! When the Lactation Consultant (LC) told me that it would be nearly impossible for Jack to nurse I was crushed. I assumed that meant that he would have to have formula and my dreams of breast feeding him were vanishing.
I went back to our hospital room and quickly started scouring the internet for some sort of other option. I knew that it was possible to pump breast milk and give it to him through a bottle. But the concept of keeping that up long term is something I had no idea existed. From my own research I found that while its not very common, there are women out there who Exclusively Pump (EP). These women, whether due to medical difficulties, past abuse, failure to latch, or supply issues, choose to pump their milk and bottle feed it to their babies for as long as they can. I recently saw a woman in one of my EP boards that kept it up for 34 months (Way longer than I plan to do).
So with a new found hope I decided that I would not give up on my goal of giving Jack breast milk for his first year. After all I had nursed Ella until she was 14 months and I was so looking forward to sharing that bond with Jack. Though at times it is still hard for me to come to grips with the fact that Jack and I aren't on the path I had originally planned. It is still hard for me to sit in the infant cry room at my church and see other moms holding their babies to their chest while I am holding Jack's bottle in his mouth or hooked up to my pump. I find it hard to not be jealous of them and that special time they get to spend with their babies. In a way I feel like I am in mourning over it still, but those are feelings that I am working through.
One of the first things I learned about EPing was that I should make mini goals. My first mini goal was to get Jack to 1 month old on only breast milk and today is that day :). This has not been a cake walk thus far and I know there are going to be more obstacles to come but here are some tid bits of advice from the lessons we have learned during our first month of EPing. If you or someone you know is considering EPing or you are currently going through this journey with your baby I have found it helpful to:
1. Have a support system! It is so important to have people cheering you on and who are willing to help in any way possible. My hubby has been my hero during this learning process, taking care of both of the kids while I hook up to the pump and try to concentrate on not being stressed ( not an easy task). It has also been so amazing to have friends who understand why I am putting myself through this and who support me by allowing me to pump at their homes while we hang out and not making a big deal about it. I have pumped at their homes during our girls nights or just times when our families hang out together. They completely understand when I am running 20 minutes behind because I had to pump before leaving the house. My family was amazing with this during the holidays. I even pumped at the card table while playing rummy with my two brothers.
2. Educate yourself and those around you! You will soon find that there is not a lot of material out there about EPing. Even my pediatrician , whom I love, told me that I probably won't be able to keep up with EPing for a long time. I have read stories of both women who have made it to 12 months and women who found it impossible. There are so many herbal remedies, prescription medicines, dietary changes, etc. that you can take to help your milk supply grow and be able to maintain it. Currently I am taking Reglan ( a prescription drug that aides lactation) and Fenugreek ( an herbal supplement). I also make sure to eat at least 2 servings of oatmeal a day which makes a huge difference for me. Educating those around you about EPing will also help you a lot. I make sure to fill my friends in on my discoveries and what I am finding helpful. A lot of people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that I pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours around the clock. They wonder why I would put myself through that and tell me repeatedly that it would be so much easier to just switch him to formula. But for me that isn't even an option right now. For me there has never been a gray area about giving Jack breast milk. If its there and I can supply it to him, then I am willing to do whatever it takes. Babies with cleft palates get ear infections a lot ( up to 1 a month). Breast milk helps cut that number down significantly. It is also easy for cleft palate babies to aspirate their milk which means that they breathe some of it into their lungs while eating. If they aspirate anything it can be dangerous but breast milk is not as harmful if aspirated. Cleft palate babies will all eventually have surgery. Breast milk contains antibodies that help fight off infections that are soo easy to catch in the hospital and after surgery.
3. Join a support group for EPers! I just joined an EP group on facebook and it has been a life saver! It is so nice to be able to ask questions and get real life answers from women who have been in your shoes. They don't judge you for being emotional about certain things or for worrying more than normal. THey don't even bat an eye when you are crying at 1 am because you spilled half an ounce of breast milk that took you 10 minutes to pump :)
4. Set small goals and celebrate them! Know that every bit of breast milk you give your child makes a difference! This is something that I am constantly telling and retelling myself! At first I thought, Ok this is possible and I am going to get Jack to 12 months, then I realized exactly how long 12 months is and how many things could happen between here and there. It is so much easier and more practical to set smaller goals for yourself. My first goal was 1 month and I am so incredibly happy to say that we have accomplished that! My next goal is 3 months and 2 weeks ago that seemed impossible but now it seems so much more manageable.
5. Find a Lactation Consultant and ask her a million questions :)! I cannot express how much I love my LC. She answers my emails quickly, was so kind and compassionate when I cried like a baby in her office when Jack wouldn't latch and completely understands why I want to work so hard to give him breast milk. A good LC is an invaluable resource and I could not imagine going through this without one!
So there is what I have found helpful so far. Any other EPers out there? What helps/helped you?
Here is an adorable picture of my sweet 1 month old boy!
I went back to our hospital room and quickly started scouring the internet for some sort of other option. I knew that it was possible to pump breast milk and give it to him through a bottle. But the concept of keeping that up long term is something I had no idea existed. From my own research I found that while its not very common, there are women out there who Exclusively Pump (EP). These women, whether due to medical difficulties, past abuse, failure to latch, or supply issues, choose to pump their milk and bottle feed it to their babies for as long as they can. I recently saw a woman in one of my EP boards that kept it up for 34 months (Way longer than I plan to do).
So with a new found hope I decided that I would not give up on my goal of giving Jack breast milk for his first year. After all I had nursed Ella until she was 14 months and I was so looking forward to sharing that bond with Jack. Though at times it is still hard for me to come to grips with the fact that Jack and I aren't on the path I had originally planned. It is still hard for me to sit in the infant cry room at my church and see other moms holding their babies to their chest while I am holding Jack's bottle in his mouth or hooked up to my pump. I find it hard to not be jealous of them and that special time they get to spend with their babies. In a way I feel like I am in mourning over it still, but those are feelings that I am working through.
One of the first things I learned about EPing was that I should make mini goals. My first mini goal was to get Jack to 1 month old on only breast milk and today is that day :). This has not been a cake walk thus far and I know there are going to be more obstacles to come but here are some tid bits of advice from the lessons we have learned during our first month of EPing. If you or someone you know is considering EPing or you are currently going through this journey with your baby I have found it helpful to:
1. Have a support system! It is so important to have people cheering you on and who are willing to help in any way possible. My hubby has been my hero during this learning process, taking care of both of the kids while I hook up to the pump and try to concentrate on not being stressed ( not an easy task). It has also been so amazing to have friends who understand why I am putting myself through this and who support me by allowing me to pump at their homes while we hang out and not making a big deal about it. I have pumped at their homes during our girls nights or just times when our families hang out together. They completely understand when I am running 20 minutes behind because I had to pump before leaving the house. My family was amazing with this during the holidays. I even pumped at the card table while playing rummy with my two brothers.
2. Educate yourself and those around you! You will soon find that there is not a lot of material out there about EPing. Even my pediatrician , whom I love, told me that I probably won't be able to keep up with EPing for a long time. I have read stories of both women who have made it to 12 months and women who found it impossible. There are so many herbal remedies, prescription medicines, dietary changes, etc. that you can take to help your milk supply grow and be able to maintain it. Currently I am taking Reglan ( a prescription drug that aides lactation) and Fenugreek ( an herbal supplement). I also make sure to eat at least 2 servings of oatmeal a day which makes a huge difference for me. Educating those around you about EPing will also help you a lot. I make sure to fill my friends in on my discoveries and what I am finding helpful. A lot of people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that I pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours around the clock. They wonder why I would put myself through that and tell me repeatedly that it would be so much easier to just switch him to formula. But for me that isn't even an option right now. For me there has never been a gray area about giving Jack breast milk. If its there and I can supply it to him, then I am willing to do whatever it takes. Babies with cleft palates get ear infections a lot ( up to 1 a month). Breast milk helps cut that number down significantly. It is also easy for cleft palate babies to aspirate their milk which means that they breathe some of it into their lungs while eating. If they aspirate anything it can be dangerous but breast milk is not as harmful if aspirated. Cleft palate babies will all eventually have surgery. Breast milk contains antibodies that help fight off infections that are soo easy to catch in the hospital and after surgery.
3. Join a support group for EPers! I just joined an EP group on facebook and it has been a life saver! It is so nice to be able to ask questions and get real life answers from women who have been in your shoes. They don't judge you for being emotional about certain things or for worrying more than normal. THey don't even bat an eye when you are crying at 1 am because you spilled half an ounce of breast milk that took you 10 minutes to pump :)
4. Set small goals and celebrate them! Know that every bit of breast milk you give your child makes a difference! This is something that I am constantly telling and retelling myself! At first I thought, Ok this is possible and I am going to get Jack to 12 months, then I realized exactly how long 12 months is and how many things could happen between here and there. It is so much easier and more practical to set smaller goals for yourself. My first goal was 1 month and I am so incredibly happy to say that we have accomplished that! My next goal is 3 months and 2 weeks ago that seemed impossible but now it seems so much more manageable.
5. Find a Lactation Consultant and ask her a million questions :)! I cannot express how much I love my LC. She answers my emails quickly, was so kind and compassionate when I cried like a baby in her office when Jack wouldn't latch and completely understands why I want to work so hard to give him breast milk. A good LC is an invaluable resource and I could not imagine going through this without one!
So there is what I have found helpful so far. Any other EPers out there? What helps/helped you?
Here is an adorable picture of my sweet 1 month old boy!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Jack's Birthday Part 2
Sorry to leave you hanging. I am currently experiencing what it's like to be an Exclusively Pumping or EPing mother. This means that every 2-3 hours I have to hook myself up to a pump and pray that I get enough milk to come out for Jack's next feeding. It's hard work, but I want Jack to have breast milk and all it's benefits so I am going to try to EP until his 1st birthday. But that is the ending of this story so lets go back to where I left off....
They wheeled me down to our recovery room. There Jack was looked at by the Pediatric Hospitalist. He checked Jack over and said that he looked perfectly healthy. Sean and I agreed because we of course think he's perfect :). I tried to get him latch again and was unsuccessful so I asked the lactation nurse to come back in. We worked with Jack for around 45 minutes and still couldn't get him to properly latch on. He hadn't eaten much but he wasn't fussy so they said we would give it a few more hours and try again. We laid Jack in the bassinet and were getting ready for bed when he started choking. The nurse was in the room with us and saw him struggling so she picked him up and used the bulb syringe to suck out his mouth. Ella had the same issue the night she was born. Because both of my children had an extremely fast birth ( Ella was 15 min. of pushing and Jack was literally 3 pushes) they didn't have much compression to help them get all the mucous and fluid out of their airways. With Ella they just sent her down to the nursery and used a higher powered suction device that helped her stop choking and she was just fine after that. I told the nurse that I wanted her to do the same thing with Jack and she agreed, so she wheeled him down to the nursery. About 20 minutes later the Hospitalist came back in. Which immediately we thought was odd because he said he was done with us.
He walked over to my bedside and said "I need to talk to you about your son's mouth". I'm sure that Sean and I looked like a deer in headlights. The doctor explained to us that Jack had a cleft in his soft palate. They had missed it in his check up earlier because its so far in the back of his mouth. The doctor explained that it would mean a few things for us.
1. Jack would most likely have some feeding issues- meaning he couldn't nurse like a normal baby, he would need a special bottle and possibly even a feeding tube if he was unable to use the bottle.
2. Jack would need surgery. A cleft in the soft palate makes certain sounds impossible to say so at around age 9-12 months they will have to close the cleft so that Jack can speak properly.
3. He will probably need speech therapy. We sat there quietly while he listed these things off to us. I kept trying to pay attention to what he was saying while trying not to burst into tears.
The nurse brought Jack back to the room and I all but ripped him out of her arms. Sean and I immediately got online to research cleft palates. We found that it was extremely rare to only have a soft palate cleft, no one really knows the cause of it and that Riley Children s Hospital has the best craniofacial surgical team in the country.
They sent a new lady in from lactation to see if Jack would latch at all. When he was unsuccessful again they told us that he would have to be fed a bottle of formula so that we could see if he was able to eat properly. Apparently a cleft in the soft palate makes it hard for him to breathe while eating and it is easy for him to aspirate milk into his lungs. An hour or so later a different Pediatric Hospitalist came to our room to inform us that Jack would be moving to the Special Care Nursery. They wanted to make sure that his oxygen levels were staying up while he drank his bottle. Yet again I sat quietly while a doctor explained things to us and tried my best to focus on her every word w/o bursting into tears. She walked us down to the special care nursery, explained all the rules to us ( only 2 visitors at a time, one had to always be a parent) She showed us where to wash our hands and arms before entering and then what button to push on the outside wall so that a nurse could buzz us in to the nursery. They took him over to a special bed and started hooking him up to the monitors.
I lost it.
I had been trying to hold it in for the past few hours and was doing my best to be strong but seeing them hook him up to the monitors did me in. I was uncontrollably sobbing for a few minutes. I tried to hide behind my husband in the corner of the room. The pediatrician was so very compassionate. She quickly grabbed some tissue and found a rocking chair for me to sit in. She handed Jack to me and said "Mommy, he's going to be fine, I promise you this is fixable". I kept apologizing for crying and she kept assuring me that Jack was healthy and would be fine.
They showed us a special bottle called a Haberman and said that it would help Jack eat. He took it like a champ and sucked down a half ounce of formula in 10 minutes. For the next 24 hours Sean and I took turns doing Jack's feedings ever 3 hours. One of us was always in the special care nursery holding Jack and talking to him. Later in the evening the doctor came back in to give us a hand out about cleft palates. She listened while we asked questions and voiced concerns and then she put her hand on my shoulder and told us we were good parents. It is amazing how much that touched our hearts! In the midst of everything that had just taken place it was so nice to hear that. For the past 24 hours we had felt like we were swimming upstream and playing catch up and for her to say that really reassured us that we could do this. We could get Jack through whatever obstacles were coming our way.
I pumped every 3 hours even though I was only getting a few drops (if that) and then I would syringe feed him the drops. We annoyed the nurses, asking questions about every monitor, every stat and every test. Because a cleft palate is a midline defect they wanted to check other organs for defects so they ordered a head to toe ultrasound for him. Everything came back normal except for a heart murmur and even that closed the next day. Every time they gave us a goal for Jack he would blow through it! AFter 24 hours they let him come back to our room and we had to wheel him back down for each feeding to be monitored. After 24 more hours they didn't need to monitor his feedings anymore, but wanted to keep him there just in case. Then on Tuesday morning they came in and started walking us through the discharge papers.
We left the hospital on formula (which broke my heart). I wanted so badly to nurse Jack but its just not possible for him. 5 days after he was born my milk finally came in and we were able to cut back on his formula in take and after 7 days we were able to cut formula out completely. So far my milk supply is keeping up with him and I've actually been able to put some reserve milk in the freezer. Jack eats like a champ and is gaining weight beautifully! He gets extra gassy from swallowing air during his feedings and that can make him fussy but he's normally such a chill baby. For the first few days it was hard to enjoy him, I know that sounds awful but I just felt like he as so fragile and that I would do something wrong. But now we are into our own routine and learning his little personality and loving every minute with him!
So there you have it. The story of Jack's birth and the discovery of his cleft palate. I will be keeping you updated on our journey with EPing and with Jack's surgery in the future. Thanks for sticking with me and reading all of this :)
here are some pictures for you as a reward !
They wheeled me down to our recovery room. There Jack was looked at by the Pediatric Hospitalist. He checked Jack over and said that he looked perfectly healthy. Sean and I agreed because we of course think he's perfect :). I tried to get him latch again and was unsuccessful so I asked the lactation nurse to come back in. We worked with Jack for around 45 minutes and still couldn't get him to properly latch on. He hadn't eaten much but he wasn't fussy so they said we would give it a few more hours and try again. We laid Jack in the bassinet and were getting ready for bed when he started choking. The nurse was in the room with us and saw him struggling so she picked him up and used the bulb syringe to suck out his mouth. Ella had the same issue the night she was born. Because both of my children had an extremely fast birth ( Ella was 15 min. of pushing and Jack was literally 3 pushes) they didn't have much compression to help them get all the mucous and fluid out of their airways. With Ella they just sent her down to the nursery and used a higher powered suction device that helped her stop choking and she was just fine after that. I told the nurse that I wanted her to do the same thing with Jack and she agreed, so she wheeled him down to the nursery. About 20 minutes later the Hospitalist came back in. Which immediately we thought was odd because he said he was done with us.
He walked over to my bedside and said "I need to talk to you about your son's mouth". I'm sure that Sean and I looked like a deer in headlights. The doctor explained to us that Jack had a cleft in his soft palate. They had missed it in his check up earlier because its so far in the back of his mouth. The doctor explained that it would mean a few things for us.
1. Jack would most likely have some feeding issues- meaning he couldn't nurse like a normal baby, he would need a special bottle and possibly even a feeding tube if he was unable to use the bottle.
2. Jack would need surgery. A cleft in the soft palate makes certain sounds impossible to say so at around age 9-12 months they will have to close the cleft so that Jack can speak properly.
3. He will probably need speech therapy. We sat there quietly while he listed these things off to us. I kept trying to pay attention to what he was saying while trying not to burst into tears.
The nurse brought Jack back to the room and I all but ripped him out of her arms. Sean and I immediately got online to research cleft palates. We found that it was extremely rare to only have a soft palate cleft, no one really knows the cause of it and that Riley Children s Hospital has the best craniofacial surgical team in the country.
They sent a new lady in from lactation to see if Jack would latch at all. When he was unsuccessful again they told us that he would have to be fed a bottle of formula so that we could see if he was able to eat properly. Apparently a cleft in the soft palate makes it hard for him to breathe while eating and it is easy for him to aspirate milk into his lungs. An hour or so later a different Pediatric Hospitalist came to our room to inform us that Jack would be moving to the Special Care Nursery. They wanted to make sure that his oxygen levels were staying up while he drank his bottle. Yet again I sat quietly while a doctor explained things to us and tried my best to focus on her every word w/o bursting into tears. She walked us down to the special care nursery, explained all the rules to us ( only 2 visitors at a time, one had to always be a parent) She showed us where to wash our hands and arms before entering and then what button to push on the outside wall so that a nurse could buzz us in to the nursery. They took him over to a special bed and started hooking him up to the monitors.
I lost it.
I had been trying to hold it in for the past few hours and was doing my best to be strong but seeing them hook him up to the monitors did me in. I was uncontrollably sobbing for a few minutes. I tried to hide behind my husband in the corner of the room. The pediatrician was so very compassionate. She quickly grabbed some tissue and found a rocking chair for me to sit in. She handed Jack to me and said "Mommy, he's going to be fine, I promise you this is fixable". I kept apologizing for crying and she kept assuring me that Jack was healthy and would be fine.
They showed us a special bottle called a Haberman and said that it would help Jack eat. He took it like a champ and sucked down a half ounce of formula in 10 minutes. For the next 24 hours Sean and I took turns doing Jack's feedings ever 3 hours. One of us was always in the special care nursery holding Jack and talking to him. Later in the evening the doctor came back in to give us a hand out about cleft palates. She listened while we asked questions and voiced concerns and then she put her hand on my shoulder and told us we were good parents. It is amazing how much that touched our hearts! In the midst of everything that had just taken place it was so nice to hear that. For the past 24 hours we had felt like we were swimming upstream and playing catch up and for her to say that really reassured us that we could do this. We could get Jack through whatever obstacles were coming our way.
I pumped every 3 hours even though I was only getting a few drops (if that) and then I would syringe feed him the drops. We annoyed the nurses, asking questions about every monitor, every stat and every test. Because a cleft palate is a midline defect they wanted to check other organs for defects so they ordered a head to toe ultrasound for him. Everything came back normal except for a heart murmur and even that closed the next day. Every time they gave us a goal for Jack he would blow through it! AFter 24 hours they let him come back to our room and we had to wheel him back down for each feeding to be monitored. After 24 more hours they didn't need to monitor his feedings anymore, but wanted to keep him there just in case. Then on Tuesday morning they came in and started walking us through the discharge papers.
We left the hospital on formula (which broke my heart). I wanted so badly to nurse Jack but its just not possible for him. 5 days after he was born my milk finally came in and we were able to cut back on his formula in take and after 7 days we were able to cut formula out completely. So far my milk supply is keeping up with him and I've actually been able to put some reserve milk in the freezer. Jack eats like a champ and is gaining weight beautifully! He gets extra gassy from swallowing air during his feedings and that can make him fussy but he's normally such a chill baby. For the first few days it was hard to enjoy him, I know that sounds awful but I just felt like he as so fragile and that I would do something wrong. But now we are into our own routine and learning his little personality and loving every minute with him!
So there you have it. The story of Jack's birth and the discovery of his cleft palate. I will be keeping you updated on our journey with EPing and with Jack's surgery in the future. Thanks for sticking with me and reading all of this :)
here are some pictures for you as a reward !
Jack's Birth Story- Part 1
I have tried writing this post several different times now. I keep finding it hard to put into words the whole experience of Jack's Birthday. For me it was a two fold story of extreme joy and incredible fear. No one ever wants to hear a doctor say that there is something wrong with their child and though Jack has a very mild birth defect that we will be able to fix with surgery, hearing the doctors tell me that my brand new, absolutely perfect baby boy had something wrong with him was one of the scariest experiences of my life!
Lets start from the beginning. I had a regularly scheduled appointment with my OB on Tuesday Dec. 4th. The doc checked me and announced that I was still 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced (I had been for the past week) and also informed me that I had a posterior cervix. This is where your cervix is pointing towards your back instead of down the birth canal. The OB assured me that this was fairly normal and that when I went into active labor it would correct itself. We discussed options and decided to go ahead and induce me on Friday the 7th (Jack's due date). I had been having contractions on and off for the past month and a half and I was ready to meet my sweet boy!
Friday morning we got up at 4:45, packed up the remaining stuff in our bags, kissed Ella and left her with Sean's parents. We arrived to the hospital at 5:30 and were checked into our room by 6. I had made a comment to Sean telling him how much more comfortable I would feel if we had the same nurse this time that we had when I gave birth to Ella. When we walked into our room on the labor and delivery floor Sean noticed that her name was on the board as someone who was working that day. We asked the lady who checked us in if we could request her and she called right away and told her that we wanted her with us again. I cannot express how much relief I felt knowing that this kind woman would be taking care of us again, she was seriously AMAZING with me when I had Ella! She checked me and I was having regular contractions but still dilated to only 2 cm. She started my pitocin drip and said she would be checking on us often. By 10:30 my OB was making his rounds and came in to check me. I was now at 4 cm and 75% effaced and thankfully my cervix had moved up enough for him to break my water.
This is when the fun began :)
The contractions were manageable but very painful. I found it most comfortable to sit on the edge of the bed and let my feet dangle. I like to kick my feet when I am in pain and that coupled with some breathing techniques really helped me work through the contractions. At around 11:30 I was feeling a lot of pressure and asked for my epidural. By 12 I had the epidural in and was laying down trying to rest. I developed what they call a hot spot in my hip where the medicine was unable to reach my nerves due to the way Jack was laying. I felt every contraction in just that one spot ( very weird and uncomfortable) They gave me another dose of the pain meds and got my hips situated in a way that allowed it to reach the hot spot. Just when I started to feel relief the doctor came in and said that Jack's heart rate was going down with each contraction and they wanted me to change positions to see if it would help. They checked me and I was at 6cm and 90% effaced and they made me roll to my other side. Well it helped his heart rate but made my hot spot come back. at around 12:45 I called the nurse back in to see if she could give me another dose on the epidural and told her I felt like i needed to go to the bathroom. She checked me and said "well that is because you are having a baby" I had gone from 6 cm to 10 cm in just 25 min. The doctor came back in and after just 3 pushes Jack arrived at 1:22 p.m.
He was perfect, wrinkly and big! His head was beautifully round and he was crying so hard he turned a nice purple color that scared me half to death! They assured me he was fine and I let them take him over to the warmer to get cleaned off. To me he looked smaller than Ella, but when they put him on the scale he weighed in at 9 lbs 8.3 oz and 21 1/4 inches long! Everyone kept commenting on how pretty he was :) Sean and I were absolutely in love! I tried to nurse Jack after about 30 minutes and he seemed to not be interested. The lactation nurse came in and tried to help, but he kept making a loud noise and you could tell that he wasn't latching properly. They weren't too concerned so they said we would go ahead and let visitors come see him and we would try to get him to nurse later. We let Ella come in first to see him and she kept saying "Oh my baby, my baby" and giving him lots of smooches!
After everyone came in and had left we were moved down to the recovery room. That is where the real adventure began... to be continued.
Lets start from the beginning. I had a regularly scheduled appointment with my OB on Tuesday Dec. 4th. The doc checked me and announced that I was still 2 cm dilated and 50% effaced (I had been for the past week) and also informed me that I had a posterior cervix. This is where your cervix is pointing towards your back instead of down the birth canal. The OB assured me that this was fairly normal and that when I went into active labor it would correct itself. We discussed options and decided to go ahead and induce me on Friday the 7th (Jack's due date). I had been having contractions on and off for the past month and a half and I was ready to meet my sweet boy!
Friday morning we got up at 4:45, packed up the remaining stuff in our bags, kissed Ella and left her with Sean's parents. We arrived to the hospital at 5:30 and were checked into our room by 6. I had made a comment to Sean telling him how much more comfortable I would feel if we had the same nurse this time that we had when I gave birth to Ella. When we walked into our room on the labor and delivery floor Sean noticed that her name was on the board as someone who was working that day. We asked the lady who checked us in if we could request her and she called right away and told her that we wanted her with us again. I cannot express how much relief I felt knowing that this kind woman would be taking care of us again, she was seriously AMAZING with me when I had Ella! She checked me and I was having regular contractions but still dilated to only 2 cm. She started my pitocin drip and said she would be checking on us often. By 10:30 my OB was making his rounds and came in to check me. I was now at 4 cm and 75% effaced and thankfully my cervix had moved up enough for him to break my water.
This is when the fun began :)
The contractions were manageable but very painful. I found it most comfortable to sit on the edge of the bed and let my feet dangle. I like to kick my feet when I am in pain and that coupled with some breathing techniques really helped me work through the contractions. At around 11:30 I was feeling a lot of pressure and asked for my epidural. By 12 I had the epidural in and was laying down trying to rest. I developed what they call a hot spot in my hip where the medicine was unable to reach my nerves due to the way Jack was laying. I felt every contraction in just that one spot ( very weird and uncomfortable) They gave me another dose of the pain meds and got my hips situated in a way that allowed it to reach the hot spot. Just when I started to feel relief the doctor came in and said that Jack's heart rate was going down with each contraction and they wanted me to change positions to see if it would help. They checked me and I was at 6cm and 90% effaced and they made me roll to my other side. Well it helped his heart rate but made my hot spot come back. at around 12:45 I called the nurse back in to see if she could give me another dose on the epidural and told her I felt like i needed to go to the bathroom. She checked me and said "well that is because you are having a baby" I had gone from 6 cm to 10 cm in just 25 min. The doctor came back in and after just 3 pushes Jack arrived at 1:22 p.m.
He was perfect, wrinkly and big! His head was beautifully round and he was crying so hard he turned a nice purple color that scared me half to death! They assured me he was fine and I let them take him over to the warmer to get cleaned off. To me he looked smaller than Ella, but when they put him on the scale he weighed in at 9 lbs 8.3 oz and 21 1/4 inches long! Everyone kept commenting on how pretty he was :) Sean and I were absolutely in love! I tried to nurse Jack after about 30 minutes and he seemed to not be interested. The lactation nurse came in and tried to help, but he kept making a loud noise and you could tell that he wasn't latching properly. They weren't too concerned so they said we would go ahead and let visitors come see him and we would try to get him to nurse later. We let Ella come in first to see him and she kept saying "Oh my baby, my baby" and giving him lots of smooches!
After everyone came in and had left we were moved down to the recovery room. That is where the real adventure began... to be continued.
Monday, December 3, 2012
The Waiting Game
I have really sucked at keeping this blog up for the past months. SO much has been happening and I had planned to put up a post about Halloween and another post about Thanksgiving along with a pregnancy update... but honestly I haven't had the energy or desire to write anything lately. So here is a quick recap
October- this was filled with all things fall. We went to the pumpkin patch and got Ella hooked on delicious apples :) We went to the Children's Museum and Ella go to go through her first haunted house ( she was a champ... didn't even cry once ). My awesome friends threw a "Little Man" Shower for Jack. It was a hilarious day :) We went to the Zoo Boo where Ella was the cutest little scarecrow I have ever seen and I got to scream my head off in the bird exhibit... seriously birds are HORRIBLE! To end October we took Ella trick or treating with a lot of our friends and she had a blast!
November- We tried to relax a lot this month. We had a great Friendsgiving dinner with our best friends ! We had delicious food with both sides of our family and tried to tie up all the loose ends before Jack arrives.
December- So far we are in the waiting game. I am trying my best to stay positive and not get too impatient waiting for Jack to get here. My body is pretty exhausted since I have been contracting off and on each day for the past month or so. Friday he will be here whether he likes it or not :) Against my original plan I scheduled an induction on my due date. I swore I would not do Pitocin again this time but I also vastly miscalculated how stressful the last weeks of pregnancy would be on my body. I am ready to meet my lil man!
Enjoy some pictures.
October- this was filled with all things fall. We went to the pumpkin patch and got Ella hooked on delicious apples :) We went to the Children's Museum and Ella go to go through her first haunted house ( she was a champ... didn't even cry once ). My awesome friends threw a "Little Man" Shower for Jack. It was a hilarious day :) We went to the Zoo Boo where Ella was the cutest little scarecrow I have ever seen and I got to scream my head off in the bird exhibit... seriously birds are HORRIBLE! To end October we took Ella trick or treating with a lot of our friends and she had a blast!
November- We tried to relax a lot this month. We had a great Friendsgiving dinner with our best friends ! We had delicious food with both sides of our family and tried to tie up all the loose ends before Jack arrives.
December- So far we are in the waiting game. I am trying my best to stay positive and not get too impatient waiting for Jack to get here. My body is pretty exhausted since I have been contracting off and on each day for the past month or so. Friday he will be here whether he likes it or not :) Against my original plan I scheduled an induction on my due date. I swore I would not do Pitocin again this time but I also vastly miscalculated how stressful the last weeks of pregnancy would be on my body. I am ready to meet my lil man!
Enjoy some pictures.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Here comes Fall!!!
Ah Fall! I love you sooo much! I love the cooler weather and the beauty of the leaves changing. I love pumpkin recipes and orchard visits! I love all things Fall! So far this Fall has proved to be quite eventful for the Ferguson household.
First, we recently have begun making the switch from using disposable diapers to cloth diapers. I purchased a few from a friend of mine at an EXTREMELY low price and decided to give them a try on Ella. The kind we decided on are Bumgenius One Size pocket diapers. We are using an older version, the 3.0. I only purchased 4 from my friend and around 12 inserts so I started out with only using them on Ella when we were at home. I have to say I found it to be much less complicated than I had imagined and recently purchased 20 diapers and 40 inserts online. We plan on cloth diapering Jack as well so now we are pretty much set :) I will be posting more on my cloth diapering experiences/mistakes soon.
Secondly, we went to a marriage conference. Sean and I attended multiple student conferences in our teenage years but we have never went to a marriage conference before. We weren't quite sure what to expect, but we went with out entire small group which ended up being 16 people. The conference was Real Marriage which is put on by Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. Sean and I really enjoyed it. Mark was incredibly funny and to the point. I took a ridiculous amount of notes :) My favorite snippit of advice from the conference was that our standard of beauty should be our spouse. In a world where we are bombarded with magazines and television shows that tell us how we are supposed to look it was a refreshing concept to think that Sean measures everyone else and their beauty against mine. Which right now must mean that Sean only finds extremely pregnant, hormonal, frizzy haired, crazy people screaming that they are hot all the time absolutely gorgeous :) Seriously though, if you have never invested in a marriage conference I highly recommend Real Marriage. If you can't go to the conference get the book!
Lastly, the kids are growing like crazy. Ella is talking in little sentences now and it is getting a lot easier to understand her when she is talking. I mean don't get me wrong she still speaks in that kind of elvish toddler jibber jabber most of the time, but when I was giving her a bath the other day she did turn over on her belly and say "Mommy get my butt"... I know, I know it's adorable... Jack is measuring 2 weeks ahead. I had my last doctor appointment on Thursday and my only complaint was that I feel huge. I mean literally I keep getting the " aren't you about to pop" question any time we go into public places. So when he measured my belly he said we would need to do another ultrasound to possibly move up my due date. I'm excited because 3rd trimester ultrasounds are sooo fun!!! It is incredible how much of the baby you can see on those things! Jack is still heads up 7 up for right now. Hoping and praying that he has his daddy's flip turn skills and will go into the right position soon. I DO NOT want a C-section!
Well that is our update for now. Fall is shaping up to be quite a busy season for us this year and I know that Winter is not going to calm down any either. For now we are just trying to take it in strides and spend as much time with Ella as possible!
First, we recently have begun making the switch from using disposable diapers to cloth diapers. I purchased a few from a friend of mine at an EXTREMELY low price and decided to give them a try on Ella. The kind we decided on are Bumgenius One Size pocket diapers. We are using an older version, the 3.0. I only purchased 4 from my friend and around 12 inserts so I started out with only using them on Ella when we were at home. I have to say I found it to be much less complicated than I had imagined and recently purchased 20 diapers and 40 inserts online. We plan on cloth diapering Jack as well so now we are pretty much set :) I will be posting more on my cloth diapering experiences/mistakes soon.
Secondly, we went to a marriage conference. Sean and I attended multiple student conferences in our teenage years but we have never went to a marriage conference before. We weren't quite sure what to expect, but we went with out entire small group which ended up being 16 people. The conference was Real Marriage which is put on by Mark Driscoll and his wife Grace. Sean and I really enjoyed it. Mark was incredibly funny and to the point. I took a ridiculous amount of notes :) My favorite snippit of advice from the conference was that our standard of beauty should be our spouse. In a world where we are bombarded with magazines and television shows that tell us how we are supposed to look it was a refreshing concept to think that Sean measures everyone else and their beauty against mine. Which right now must mean that Sean only finds extremely pregnant, hormonal, frizzy haired, crazy people screaming that they are hot all the time absolutely gorgeous :) Seriously though, if you have never invested in a marriage conference I highly recommend Real Marriage. If you can't go to the conference get the book!
Lastly, the kids are growing like crazy. Ella is talking in little sentences now and it is getting a lot easier to understand her when she is talking. I mean don't get me wrong she still speaks in that kind of elvish toddler jibber jabber most of the time, but when I was giving her a bath the other day she did turn over on her belly and say "Mommy get my butt"... I know, I know it's adorable... Jack is measuring 2 weeks ahead. I had my last doctor appointment on Thursday and my only complaint was that I feel huge. I mean literally I keep getting the " aren't you about to pop" question any time we go into public places. So when he measured my belly he said we would need to do another ultrasound to possibly move up my due date. I'm excited because 3rd trimester ultrasounds are sooo fun!!! It is incredible how much of the baby you can see on those things! Jack is still heads up 7 up for right now. Hoping and praying that he has his daddy's flip turn skills and will go into the right position soon. I DO NOT want a C-section!
Well that is our update for now. Fall is shaping up to be quite a busy season for us this year and I know that Winter is not going to calm down any either. For now we are just trying to take it in strides and spend as much time with Ella as possible!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Who is this woman and what did she do with my mom?
The toddler stage... also less lovingly called the terribly twos. Like most of her milestones Ella has hit this one early. For the past few weeks she has been a TERROR! Throwing things, kicking, hitting, fits, whining, saying " NO" to everything, the list goes on. Most days I feel at my wits end with her. What happened to my sweet daughter who loves to give hugs and was content to sit on my lap and read 100 books each day. A lot of the time she is soo good for everyone else. She behaves for her Grandparents and most of the time calms down by the time Daddy gets home from work each evening. She plays with him on the floor and giggles and laughs the whole time he's giving her a bath at night. While I love that she's showing him so much attention, lately I feel like , to Ella, I have turned into this yelling monster who is constantly telling her no and putting her in time outs. I'm the bad guy who won't let her do fun things like climb the entertainment center shelves, dance on the coffee table, or put random things in the outlets.
This is not what I set out to be when I wanted to become a parent. I did not want my days to be filled with time outs and "no's". I didn't want my daughter to get into the habit of hiding from me when she makes mistakes. Yes she literally tries to hide from me when she's done something wrong. This is something I have been deeply concerned about for a while. What kind of parent do I want to be? What message do I want my parenting style to send to my child? Am I setting a good example to Ella of what a mother should be?
This is my new commitment to Ella. That in these few months we have left of her being our only child, I will get into the habit of being intentional with my parenting style. I'm sure you are thinking to yourself " Now Heather isn't it enough to just love your child". More and more I am seeing that no its not enough to just love your child. I can love Ella and still spend my days letting her run wild and just scream at her when she gets out of hand. It is a choice to walk beside her and try to show her why I don't want her to act that way. It is a choice to intentionally discipline her.
Anywho, for the past few days I have been thinking a lot about what I want our parenting style to convey to Ella. So far I have come up with a few things that I want her and eventually her brother to know.
1. We prayed for you. You were not accidents or something that just happened to us. We prayed long and hard about when the right time to have children was. Then it took a long time after we finally said " we're ready" for us to actually get pregnant. I want them to always know that they aren't a circumstance that we are dealing with. They are gifts that we are trying to properly take care of.
2. Our love is truly unconditional. There isn't anything you could do or say that will take it away. That doesn't mean I won't get upset with you and or be angry, but I hope they always know that love is the driving force behind our actions.
3. We enjoy you. Though right now it doesn't seem like it. I'm sure Ella feels like I was sent to earth to destroy all of her fun lol. But we do enjoy having kids. Our hearts are filled each day when we you giggle and learn. I look forward to teaching you things and Daddy can't wait to get home from work to just be with you!
4. You are safe and in an environment that encourages you to learn. Our goal is that our children know that it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We don't want to get so wrapped up in our hatred of cleaning house that our kids feel like they can't explore or make a mess. It's hard to turn the other way when Ella colors off of her paper and onto the table, but I know she is just figuring out how to manipulate the markers across the page. I have to make a conscious effort to not scold her for making messes while she's learning.
So that is as far as I have gotten with this. It may sound like a bunch of chatter to most people, but its something that has weighed heavily on my heart recently. It is definitely something I am putting to prayer each night! How about you? Do you have a parenting style you are trying to stick with?
This is not what I set out to be when I wanted to become a parent. I did not want my days to be filled with time outs and "no's". I didn't want my daughter to get into the habit of hiding from me when she makes mistakes. Yes she literally tries to hide from me when she's done something wrong. This is something I have been deeply concerned about for a while. What kind of parent do I want to be? What message do I want my parenting style to send to my child? Am I setting a good example to Ella of what a mother should be?
This is my new commitment to Ella. That in these few months we have left of her being our only child, I will get into the habit of being intentional with my parenting style. I'm sure you are thinking to yourself " Now Heather isn't it enough to just love your child". More and more I am seeing that no its not enough to just love your child. I can love Ella and still spend my days letting her run wild and just scream at her when she gets out of hand. It is a choice to walk beside her and try to show her why I don't want her to act that way. It is a choice to intentionally discipline her.
Anywho, for the past few days I have been thinking a lot about what I want our parenting style to convey to Ella. So far I have come up with a few things that I want her and eventually her brother to know.
1. We prayed for you. You were not accidents or something that just happened to us. We prayed long and hard about when the right time to have children was. Then it took a long time after we finally said " we're ready" for us to actually get pregnant. I want them to always know that they aren't a circumstance that we are dealing with. They are gifts that we are trying to properly take care of.
2. Our love is truly unconditional. There isn't anything you could do or say that will take it away. That doesn't mean I won't get upset with you and or be angry, but I hope they always know that love is the driving force behind our actions.
3. We enjoy you. Though right now it doesn't seem like it. I'm sure Ella feels like I was sent to earth to destroy all of her fun lol. But we do enjoy having kids. Our hearts are filled each day when we you giggle and learn. I look forward to teaching you things and Daddy can't wait to get home from work to just be with you!
4. You are safe and in an environment that encourages you to learn. Our goal is that our children know that it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We don't want to get so wrapped up in our hatred of cleaning house that our kids feel like they can't explore or make a mess. It's hard to turn the other way when Ella colors off of her paper and onto the table, but I know she is just figuring out how to manipulate the markers across the page. I have to make a conscious effort to not scold her for making messes while she's learning.
So that is as far as I have gotten with this. It may sound like a bunch of chatter to most people, but its something that has weighed heavily on my heart recently. It is definitely something I am putting to prayer each night! How about you? Do you have a parenting style you are trying to stick with?
Monday, July 9, 2012
You are God of all else I'm letting go!
I've tried to write this blog post several times over the past two weeks. Each time I end up deleting it, not very happy with the flow of it or how it makes me sound. This time I've decided that whatever this post ends up with... it is what it is. At least after I finish it I won't have the words running through my mind all day long (Anyone else do that when they have an idea for a blog?)
So any who....
A few weeks ago I was hit with this idea. In a few short months I will be a mother of two. I will have a tiny infant who needs me every second of the day and I will also have a toddler who can entertain herself for roughly 20 min... but still needs me for the majority of her day. This. Scares. Me!
Tonight as I was reading to Ella before bed, I felt the baby kick. That is when all of these feelings started to rush over me. Questions and concerns. Doubts mostly. Doubts about my ability as a mother and the capacity of my heart to grow the way it needs to.
How will I split my time and attention between the two? How will I be able to love this new baby as much as I love Ella? How will Ella know that we aren't picking favorites? How can I take care of them and still be a good wife?
I know the answer to this is simple. That I will lean on God and He will show me how to juggle all of it. That He will expand my heart to make room for equal amounts of love for both my children and my husband. That He gave me two beautiful babies and the most amazing husband. That He will not abandon me when things get tough.
Its just that sometimes, even though I know the answer... I'm still scared! Scared that I am inadequate and that I will fail at this. Scared that I will not do a good job of showing Ella that no matter what happens or who comes along, that she will always be special to me. That I will fail to show her that the day she was born I instantly changed. All of the things I used to spend countless hours worrying about didn't matter anymore. She helped me to realize just how easy it can be to trust God and to know that He is Good!
All of these things I am committing to prayer. Praying that God will mold me into the wife and mother I am called to be. That I will have to wisdom to know when to be quiet and listen for His guidance. Praying that I will not be prideful when I need to ask for help. Praying that I will not lose sight of the fact that I am His daughter, and I am loved!
How about you? Did you feel this way when you had your children? How did you make sure that everyone feels equally loved?
So any who....
A few weeks ago I was hit with this idea. In a few short months I will be a mother of two. I will have a tiny infant who needs me every second of the day and I will also have a toddler who can entertain herself for roughly 20 min... but still needs me for the majority of her day. This. Scares. Me!
Tonight as I was reading to Ella before bed, I felt the baby kick. That is when all of these feelings started to rush over me. Questions and concerns. Doubts mostly. Doubts about my ability as a mother and the capacity of my heart to grow the way it needs to.
How will I split my time and attention between the two? How will I be able to love this new baby as much as I love Ella? How will Ella know that we aren't picking favorites? How can I take care of them and still be a good wife?
I know the answer to this is simple. That I will lean on God and He will show me how to juggle all of it. That He will expand my heart to make room for equal amounts of love for both my children and my husband. That He gave me two beautiful babies and the most amazing husband. That He will not abandon me when things get tough.
Its just that sometimes, even though I know the answer... I'm still scared! Scared that I am inadequate and that I will fail at this. Scared that I will not do a good job of showing Ella that no matter what happens or who comes along, that she will always be special to me. That I will fail to show her that the day she was born I instantly changed. All of the things I used to spend countless hours worrying about didn't matter anymore. She helped me to realize just how easy it can be to trust God and to know that He is Good!
All of these things I am committing to prayer. Praying that God will mold me into the wife and mother I am called to be. That I will have to wisdom to know when to be quiet and listen for His guidance. Praying that I will not be prideful when I need to ask for help. Praying that I will not lose sight of the fact that I am His daughter, and I am loved!
How about you? Did you feel this way when you had your children? How did you make sure that everyone feels equally loved?
Thursday, June 14, 2012
A vacation bucket list
Sean and I recently decided that in two years we WILL go on a family vacation. We are starting to save for this now so that we can have the type of vacation we want and not have to skimp on any of it! Right now we are in the research phase. In the summer of 2014 we will have a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I've been spending way too much time on the computer researching some of the best vacation spots to take toddlers. All of this has me thinking....
There is a lot I want to do with my children before they grow up and leave me!
My family never vacationed. I took my first flight when I was 18 and on that trip I saw the ocean for the first time. Since then I have been to two different countries and vacationed on the beach multiple times. This has sparked a fire in me that I never knew existed. I am a traveler and I want to see the world.
However I am now also a mother. This shouldn't change my passion for seeing the beautiful things God has created all over the world. Instead it has driven me to want to drag my children along for the ride! I look at Ella and know that there are so many things that they can't teach her in school. They won't be able to teach her the excitement and anxiety of visiting a foreign country. They won't be able to teach her how the sand feels between her toes and how soothing it is to fall asleep to the sound of crashing waves.
Knowing this motivates me to get her out there. Let her experience the world and see the things that make it obvious that God created everything!
Ok. My rant is over. My original purpose for this post was to share some of the places I am determined to take my family to. Not a bucket list to achieve before I die, rather one to finish before Ella gets married and leaves the nest.
So... here goes
1. Yellowstone, Rocky Mountains
2. Grand Canyon
3. Alaska
4. Scotland & Ireland
5. General Europe trip that must include Italy and Macedonia (where my ancestors were from)
6. 7. Hawaii- mostly to visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial
8. Cancun- mostly because Sean loves it so much and I have never been
9. South America
10. Australia
Ok. So we have hopefully around 20 years to accomplish all of this. Hopefully we can do it :)
There is a lot I want to do with my children before they grow up and leave me!
My family never vacationed. I took my first flight when I was 18 and on that trip I saw the ocean for the first time. Since then I have been to two different countries and vacationed on the beach multiple times. This has sparked a fire in me that I never knew existed. I am a traveler and I want to see the world.
However I am now also a mother. This shouldn't change my passion for seeing the beautiful things God has created all over the world. Instead it has driven me to want to drag my children along for the ride! I look at Ella and know that there are so many things that they can't teach her in school. They won't be able to teach her the excitement and anxiety of visiting a foreign country. They won't be able to teach her how the sand feels between her toes and how soothing it is to fall asleep to the sound of crashing waves.
Knowing this motivates me to get her out there. Let her experience the world and see the things that make it obvious that God created everything!
Ok. My rant is over. My original purpose for this post was to share some of the places I am determined to take my family to. Not a bucket list to achieve before I die, rather one to finish before Ella gets married and leaves the nest.
So... here goes
1. Yellowstone, Rocky Mountains
2. Grand Canyon
3. Alaska
4. Scotland & Ireland
5. General Europe trip that must include Italy and Macedonia (where my ancestors were from)
6. 7. Hawaii- mostly to visit the Pearl Harbor Memorial
8. Cancun- mostly because Sean loves it so much and I have never been
9. South America
10. Australia
Ok. So we have hopefully around 20 years to accomplish all of this. Hopefully we can do it :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
New Book Review
I'm not quite sure where to begin with this review. Truthfully I couldn't put this book down and even though I finished it a week ago, I can't seem to stop talking about it. To say that this book impacted me is an understatement. I feel like the testimony of Adam Brown is still working in my mind and in my heart.
This is the story of Adam Brown. In high school he was a star athlete, but ended up taking the wrong path. Adam fell hard and fast into the world of drug addiction, but miraculously found God along the way. His family and his girlfriend, Kelly, never gave up on him. When he decided that he wanted to become a Navy Seal, they were behind him the whole way. This book gives you a look into the lives of people around Adam and how he impacted them. He was always respectful and humble, treating everyone around him as a brother or sister. Adam is a true American Hero and lost his life in the Afghanistan during the war in Iraq, leaving behind not only a wife and two children, but a legacy that will be told for many years to come!
As a Christian reading this book made me examine my own faith and reliance on God. It made me question how much I truly trust in the Lord and wonder how I would act if put in a life or death situation. Adam's testimony spoke straight to my heart. I want to eventually become an addiction counselor and though I have a decent amount of school left to finish, this book got me really excited to get out there and start helping people. Adam is proof that you can beat addiction and that NOTHING is stronger that God.
As a sister to an Iraq war vet, Adam's story brought me back to the memories of when my brother served two tours over seas. I never truly ask what went on over there, because I imagine it would be impossible for my brother to really explain any of it. While reading of Adam's final tour and the day of his death I literally had to put the book down and gain composure so that I could continue reading.
As a mother, Adam's story challenges me to be a good example for my children. To raise them to know Jesus and the sacrifice he made. To raise them to treat people with respect and kindness. To raise them so there is no doubt that I unconditionally love them and their father.
Do yourself a favor and go read this book!!!
I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Ding Ding Ding... Round 2
Well for those of you who follow my facebook page you have already heard the good news!
Sean and I are expanding our family yet again! We waited until 13 weeks to tell most people about Ella when we were pregnant with her, but this time we broke the news a little earlier. I will be 11 weeks tomorrow. This time around has been much different than my pregnancy with Ella. I have had really bad morning sickness and food aversions. I get so hungry that it makes me want to throw up , but the thought of putting food in my mouth makes it even worse. Luckily some of that is starting to subside and I am really looking forward to my second trimester and the boost of energy it will hopefully bring!
Sean and I could not be more excited! We tried to conceive for over a year with Ella and had started to think that maybe it just wasn't going to happen for us, then God decided to bless us with her during a time when we did not have insurance coverage for maternity . But as He always does, He provided abundantly for us and we truly learned the joy that comes with trusting in our Father! This time around we got pregnant in a flash. We decided in February that we would start trying again, so I made the appointment and had my IUD ( Mirena) removed and we were pregnant by March lol. I was in a complete state of shock for a few weeks. I couldn't believe that it happened so easily and the pessimist in me thought that surely the floor would fall out from under us and we would get some sort of bad news eventually. So far that worry has been for nothing!! The baby is growing the way it should and we got to see the heartbeat at 7 weeks 3 days.
I had purchased an at home Fetal Doppler when I was pregnant with Ella and I so around 9 weeks I busted it out and started looking for babies heartbeat. Sure enough I could hear it!!! My doppler said the heartbeat was 156 (which is lower than Ella's ever was). Of course that makes everyone say that this one will be a boy! OH how I would love to have a son, but truthfully I couldn't care less what the sex of the baby is. AS long as I know the baby is healthy it doesn't matter to me.
I hope to have more updates soon. My next appointment is in a week. NO ultrasound this time, but the doctor will listen to the heartbeat.
I still can't believe this is happening again!
Sean and I are expanding our family yet again! We waited until 13 weeks to tell most people about Ella when we were pregnant with her, but this time we broke the news a little earlier. I will be 11 weeks tomorrow. This time around has been much different than my pregnancy with Ella. I have had really bad morning sickness and food aversions. I get so hungry that it makes me want to throw up , but the thought of putting food in my mouth makes it even worse. Luckily some of that is starting to subside and I am really looking forward to my second trimester and the boost of energy it will hopefully bring!
Sean and I could not be more excited! We tried to conceive for over a year with Ella and had started to think that maybe it just wasn't going to happen for us, then God decided to bless us with her during a time when we did not have insurance coverage for maternity . But as He always does, He provided abundantly for us and we truly learned the joy that comes with trusting in our Father! This time around we got pregnant in a flash. We decided in February that we would start trying again, so I made the appointment and had my IUD ( Mirena) removed and we were pregnant by March lol. I was in a complete state of shock for a few weeks. I couldn't believe that it happened so easily and the pessimist in me thought that surely the floor would fall out from under us and we would get some sort of bad news eventually. So far that worry has been for nothing!! The baby is growing the way it should and we got to see the heartbeat at 7 weeks 3 days.
I had purchased an at home Fetal Doppler when I was pregnant with Ella and I so around 9 weeks I busted it out and started looking for babies heartbeat. Sure enough I could hear it!!! My doppler said the heartbeat was 156 (which is lower than Ella's ever was). Of course that makes everyone say that this one will be a boy! OH how I would love to have a son, but truthfully I couldn't care less what the sex of the baby is. AS long as I know the baby is healthy it doesn't matter to me.
I hope to have more updates soon. My next appointment is in a week. NO ultrasound this time, but the doctor will listen to the heartbeat.
I still can't believe this is happening again!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Book Review
Ella loves books. She normally chooses to sit in her giraffe chair and surround herself with books for most of the day. She loves flipping the pages and pointing to the animals and making funny little noises. She loves to have me plop down beside her read the books to her. She really just loves anything to do with books. Which is great for her growing little mind, but not so great for most of the books themselves. She is only 15 months old and a lot of her books are already missing pages or the binding is coming undone. That is why we love board books!
I first saw this book in paperback form and thought it was very cute, but didn't pick it up because I knew Ella would rip it to shreds in no time. I was so excited when I saw that they also have this book in board form! Ella took to it right away. She loves turning the pages and growling at each of the bears on the page. She likes the part of the book where the mothers belly gets bigger and everyone is looking at it. She will pull up her shirt to look at her own belly :) Super adorable! She loves this book for the pictures of the animals and the vibrant and bright colors.
I love this book for the message it brings. It tells the story of a Mother polar bear who is teaching her child about how God gave her a baby. I love that the book talks about how the parents wanted a child and God answered their prayers. I was also very happy that it shows that the child is growing in the mother's belly and how happy the parents are! This is a very cute book with a very positive message! I would recommend it to any parent out there! Beware though, you may need a tissue when you read it!
I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
A post about boobs... well technically breastfeeding
There was a time where I didn't think I would write this post. Ella's first week home was soo rough and I thought I would have to give up on my idea of breastfeeding her for the whole first year. We endured the frequent weight checks and trips to the lactation consultants office in tears and here we are... Ella is approaching 15 months and she is now fully weaned.
I wanted to wait until she was completely off the "tap" before I wrote this. Truthfully this whole weaning process has been emotional for me. I tried when she was 12 months and then felt guilty for turning her away so we went back to 2 feedings a day. I tried again at 13 months and decided that I wouldn't force it, that I would just feed her when she asked for it. Slowly the feedings dwindled down. From 2 a day to 1 a day to 1 every other day and eventually she started going 2-3 days without it. I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I nursed her. That makes me a little sad because I felt like it would be a memory I would always cherish. That last time I would share such an incredibly special bond with my daughter. But life just sort of happened and we got busy and she just stopped.
We had her sleep in our room for the entire time she was nursing. It was just sooo much easier and I have to admit I could probably count on two hands the number of times we were up with a crying baby more than once at night. Ella was a cuddler and we really enjoyed having her with us. I thought she might put up a fight when we switched her to her own room. But truthfully I think it was harder on me than it was on her. Each night we read a book, sing a song, and she plays quietly in her crib with this little lantern toy until she drifts off to sleep. SO that has been a huge blessing to go along with weaning. I don't have any guilt about kicking her out of our room and taking the "tap" away at the same time lol.
So this post was supposed to turn out to be some tips of mine from our year of nursing. So here are a few products that I could not have lived without while I was breastfeeding!
- Lansinoh HPA Lanolin! This stuff is a life saver for cracked and sore nipples. I was afraid of using too much at the beginning and I paid for that mistake. Its safe for baby to ingest so cake it on after each feeding!
- Lansinoh Disposable Nursing Pads! I never really had a huge problem with leaking but when you are caking the lanolin on all the time its better to have a pad to keep from sticking to your bra. I really liked these because they had the most cushion.
- Medela InStyle Electric Breast Pump! If you are going back to work or you just want to give hubby a chance to feed the baby I really recommend this pump. I actually borrowed it from a friend who used it for her two children and it still worked great! Medela makes a smaller version now that still comes with a nice carrying case I believe it is called the Freestyle.
If you decide to pump you will need these handy little bottles to pump into. I only used them for pumping the milk and then I would put the expressed milk into freezer bags. When it was time to feed I would just put the thawed milk back into these bottles and Ella took to it very easily. I found that the Medela nipples were as close to the real thing as I could get. Ella tried other bottles but they seemed to have too fast of a flow, but the Medela slow flow nipples really worked great for us.
I always used the Lansinoh breast milk storage bags. They were normally the best value at the store and they stand up on their own which was very handy when thawing the milk.
Something that no one warned me about was how bad nipple damage could be. Ella had a very strong latch which made things very difficult for us in the beginning, but then I went to the lactation consultant and she gave me one of these handy little things. It is a shield you put over your nipple before you nurse. It protects you from further damage during feedings and lets your nipples have time to heal up. Another tip I used for cracked nipples was to put wet tea bags in my bra in between feedings. I know it sounds weird but the tea really does work and it helps you heal so quickly! Just place the wet tea bag directly on your nipple then put a nursing pad over that and then put your bra back on.
The last thing I will list in the Hooter Hider! It has a funny name, but it works like a charm. It has a rigid rim around the top so you can see your baby when you feed her but no one else can. It sure beats fidgeting with a blanket in public. I fed Ella in restaurants, stores, and even at church using this baby! There are lots of products similar to this but I found that Hooter Hider had the cutest prints.
So there you have, my own personal arsenal of breastfeeding must haves! I also used the website kellymom for a ton of advice. It has a lot of really good articles and tips for you to read. My own personal advice to is to pump some even if you are going to a be a stay at home mom. It is so nice to be able to let someone else feed the baby once in a while and I know that my hubby really enjoyed sharing that time with Ella. I hope that someone somewhere can find these little tips helpful. I know that breastfeeding turned out to be quite the journey for me, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
I wanted to wait until she was completely off the "tap" before I wrote this. Truthfully this whole weaning process has been emotional for me. I tried when she was 12 months and then felt guilty for turning her away so we went back to 2 feedings a day. I tried again at 13 months and decided that I wouldn't force it, that I would just feed her when she asked for it. Slowly the feedings dwindled down. From 2 a day to 1 a day to 1 every other day and eventually she started going 2-3 days without it. I can honestly say I don't remember the last time I nursed her. That makes me a little sad because I felt like it would be a memory I would always cherish. That last time I would share such an incredibly special bond with my daughter. But life just sort of happened and we got busy and she just stopped.
We had her sleep in our room for the entire time she was nursing. It was just sooo much easier and I have to admit I could probably count on two hands the number of times we were up with a crying baby more than once at night. Ella was a cuddler and we really enjoyed having her with us. I thought she might put up a fight when we switched her to her own room. But truthfully I think it was harder on me than it was on her. Each night we read a book, sing a song, and she plays quietly in her crib with this little lantern toy until she drifts off to sleep. SO that has been a huge blessing to go along with weaning. I don't have any guilt about kicking her out of our room and taking the "tap" away at the same time lol.
So this post was supposed to turn out to be some tips of mine from our year of nursing. So here are a few products that I could not have lived without while I was breastfeeding!
- Lansinoh HPA Lanolin! This stuff is a life saver for cracked and sore nipples. I was afraid of using too much at the beginning and I paid for that mistake. Its safe for baby to ingest so cake it on after each feeding!
- Lansinoh Disposable Nursing Pads! I never really had a huge problem with leaking but when you are caking the lanolin on all the time its better to have a pad to keep from sticking to your bra. I really liked these because they had the most cushion.
- Medela InStyle Electric Breast Pump! If you are going back to work or you just want to give hubby a chance to feed the baby I really recommend this pump. I actually borrowed it from a friend who used it for her two children and it still worked great! Medela makes a smaller version now that still comes with a nice carrying case I believe it is called the Freestyle. If you decide to pump you will need these handy little bottles to pump into. I only used them for pumping the milk and then I would put the expressed milk into freezer bags. When it was time to feed I would just put the thawed milk back into these bottles and Ella took to it very easily. I found that the Medela nipples were as close to the real thing as I could get. Ella tried other bottles but they seemed to have too fast of a flow, but the Medela slow flow nipples really worked great for us.
I always used the Lansinoh breast milk storage bags. They were normally the best value at the store and they stand up on their own which was very handy when thawing the milk.
Something that no one warned me about was how bad nipple damage could be. Ella had a very strong latch which made things very difficult for us in the beginning, but then I went to the lactation consultant and she gave me one of these handy little things. It is a shield you put over your nipple before you nurse. It protects you from further damage during feedings and lets your nipples have time to heal up. Another tip I used for cracked nipples was to put wet tea bags in my bra in between feedings. I know it sounds weird but the tea really does work and it helps you heal so quickly! Just place the wet tea bag directly on your nipple then put a nursing pad over that and then put your bra back on.
The last thing I will list in the Hooter Hider! It has a funny name, but it works like a charm. It has a rigid rim around the top so you can see your baby when you feed her but no one else can. It sure beats fidgeting with a blanket in public. I fed Ella in restaurants, stores, and even at church using this baby! There are lots of products similar to this but I found that Hooter Hider had the cutest prints.
So there you have, my own personal arsenal of breastfeeding must haves! I also used the website kellymom for a ton of advice. It has a lot of really good articles and tips for you to read. My own personal advice to is to pump some even if you are going to a be a stay at home mom. It is so nice to be able to let someone else feed the baby once in a while and I know that my hubby really enjoyed sharing that time with Ella. I hope that someone somewhere can find these little tips helpful. I know that breastfeeding turned out to be quite the journey for me, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Missing You!
I just got done laying Ella down in her crib for the night. Nothing really out of the ordinary. Same Routine. Book. Song. Kisses. Blanket. Night Light... but when I laid her down in her crib the moonlight hit her just right and I caught a glimpse of you in her face. The way her hair lays across her forehead, her laugh and her expressions, the way she knows exactly the right time to run across the room and hug my neck... I know all of these things come from you!
It's hard to believe that you aren't here to witness this. To see me as a wife and as a mother. It is even harder not having your advice and guidance in these areas of my life. The longer I am away from you the harder it is for me to remember the small details. How you got your cookies to be exactly the same size, when and where to plant my vegetable garden, what is the right amount of lumps in the mashed potatoes.
Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. I hope you are proud of me. I get worried that I'm not living up to the woman you raised me to be. I can't ever seem to be as compassionate or patient as you were.
I'm mostly sad that Ella doesn't get the chance to know you. To learn from you. To feel your unconditional love. That is the cruelest part of death. Never being able to fully describe the person to someone who has never met them. You would have loved her. She is sassy and she loves to dance. She is smart and beautiful and outgoing! She would also love you! She definitely has your since of humor and she show cases all of her emotions with her eyebrows!
I know you are in a better place and I am so happy that you are not suffering anymore. You were the strongest woman I have ever known and in so many ways I am still trying to live up to you. One day we will meet again and I will fill you in on all of my mistakes and mishaps as a mother! I am sure you will laugh and tell me the story about how mom poured baby powder all over her bedroom floor so she could ice skate on it :)
But for now, at 12:30 on a random Wednesday morning I.am. MISSING. YOU!
It's hard to believe that you aren't here to witness this. To see me as a wife and as a mother. It is even harder not having your advice and guidance in these areas of my life. The longer I am away from you the harder it is for me to remember the small details. How you got your cookies to be exactly the same size, when and where to plant my vegetable garden, what is the right amount of lumps in the mashed potatoes.
Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. I hope you are proud of me. I get worried that I'm not living up to the woman you raised me to be. I can't ever seem to be as compassionate or patient as you were.
I'm mostly sad that Ella doesn't get the chance to know you. To learn from you. To feel your unconditional love. That is the cruelest part of death. Never being able to fully describe the person to someone who has never met them. You would have loved her. She is sassy and she loves to dance. She is smart and beautiful and outgoing! She would also love you! She definitely has your since of humor and she show cases all of her emotions with her eyebrows!
I know you are in a better place and I am so happy that you are not suffering anymore. You were the strongest woman I have ever known and in so many ways I am still trying to live up to you. One day we will meet again and I will fill you in on all of my mistakes and mishaps as a mother! I am sure you will laugh and tell me the story about how mom poured baby powder all over her bedroom floor so she could ice skate on it :)
But for now, at 12:30 on a random Wednesday morning I.am. MISSING. YOU!
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