I'm not quite sure what the appropriate mourning period is for Otis. I have never lost a pet in that way before. I've never had an animal die so young and so suddenly before. I keep thinking about how informal his burial was. I know that sounds odd, but he was like part of the family and now he's in my backyard underneath our apple tree... no music, no service, no food... just laid in the dirt. Seems cruel for someone who was basically my first child. He will always hold this special little place in my heart. I know time will move forward and I will slowly forget about him, we will get new pets, have more children and he will be a faint memory... but for now... it. still. hurts :(
On a completely different but no less depressing note... Ella will be 1 next month. Part of me is so excited for this because it represents one of the very few goals I have ever seen to the end... I set out to nurse her for the whole year and that year is about over. I think back to our first week home. I cried because I had never felt pain like that before. I have watched other peoples children my entire adult life and I knew all the basics. I knew how to change diapers, bathe her, soothe her, get her to sleep... but no one... and i mean NO ONE... prepared me for nursing. She lost more weight when we brought her home and I cried in her doctors office because they told me to supplement her with formula. I was devastated and convinced myself that I was just not able to provide that kind of nutrition for my daughter. I thought I had failed. Luckily my hospital has an amazing lactation consultant and she helped me so much! We got through 2 weeks of pumping and being on nipple rest and nursing has been cake ever since. Now I find myself on KellyMom reading up on how to wean her. Its all a little bittersweet. I love that nursing her carves out this special time for us each day. Where I get to hold her hands and look into her eyes. A time where no one can give her what she needs except me... selfish I know...
I haven't decided how long I will wait to fully wean her. I know that at 12 months I will introduce whole milk and try to switch to just 2 feedings a day ( morning and night ). I know we also want to try for another baby this year and I can't imagine nursing and being pregnant at the same time. Time will tell I guess...
Another transition we are making is trying to decide when to move Ella into her own room. Give me angry eyes if you want but We CO SLEEP and we LOVE it! I love having Ella right next to me at night, knowing she's safe! I realize there are many precautions you should take with bed sharing... which is technically what we do. Don't be overly tired, never let your baby sleep with you if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, Don't bed share if you or your spouse smoke.. Do your research and if you think it works for you I highly recommend it! I don't think there is any way I could have continued nursing or gotten any sleep if she didn't sleep with us. Ok I'm off my soap box now. I think all of this transitioning is harder on me than it is on her. I'm just so not ready for her to be this grown up yet!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
Farewell Otis!
Tonight that home feeling is forever changed...
When Sean and I got engaged he didn't have to spend any money on my ring. It is a family heirloom from my side of the family that was passed down to him from my mother... instead Sean bought me a Pug. An engagement present so to speak. My whole life I had wanted a pug named Otis and along with making my dreams of marrying him come true Sean also fulfilled this dream of mine. Otis was a little turd from the start! He loved to snuggle and play and chew up paper, but he also loved to hike his leg up and pee on everything he thought should be "his". He always darted out the door when we opened it and then would loom just slightly out of our reach when we tried to get him to come back inside... never really running out of our line of sight... Just enough to make us chase him.
Otis has always been a part of the life Sean and I are building together. He was our little baby in our first tiny apartment. He went crazy with us when we bought our home and had more space than we knew what to do with. He cuddled with me every time there was negative pregnancy tests during the year it took us to conceive. He sat around and was lazy with me all day when I was in my third trimester and SO TIRED. He protectively and curiously watched Ella as we brought her home. He cried when she cried and loved to play with her and lick all over her face. She was nervous about him at first but always warmed up after a few minutes. Sure he pooped in her room a couple of times and hid in the closet when I yelled for him, sure he peed on Sean's pillow once because he was mad at us for leaving the house, sure he chewed up Seans glasses and Sean had to wear really ugly prescription safety glasses for a long time until we could afford new glasses for him, sure he drank out of the toilet every chance he got... but he was ours, our baby, our engagement pug... he made this house our home!
Tonight we are grieving the loss of our beloved friend. He got loose from his tie-out when we put him out to do his business before bed and ran in front of a car. Luckily it was a State Policeman who was compassionate and truly sorry. I felt so bad for him as he knocked on our door and asked if it was our dog in the road. How awful he must have felt as I held my daughter on my hip and sobbed while my husband picked our sweet little puppy up off of the pavement. I thank God that it happened quickly. Not even time for him to cry or whimper. I also thank God for an amazing husband who held it together long enough to bury our baby in backyard in front of our apple tree.
We held each other and cried. Talked about how Otis taught us true patience and walked inside to snuggle with our daughter.
Farewell Otis! You were better than any engagement gift I could have ever imagined!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
highlights of 2011
This has been one heck of a year! Exciting, terrifying, insane... pretty much the best year of my life so far :). Here are some of my favorite moments of 2011..
Some of my amazing friends threw me a baby shower :)
My incredibly talented husband built this amazing crib for Ella!!! Luckily he got it finished just in time for us to bring her home... much to his dismay we turned out to be the co-sleeping type of parents. But we are transitioning her to her bed soon and she has always taken her naps in it :)
Feb. 7th Right after my epidural finally kicked in... just an hour or so before my life officially changed forever!
She's Here!!! I can't believe it!
The first time we held our baby girl! So glad that my best friend Mallory was in the room with us to photograph this moment!
SO BIG and such a Daddy's Girl right from the start!!
It's still hard to believe that God has entrusted us with this precious gift!
Our first full day home from the hospital! I couldn't stop staring at her while she slept. Breastfeeding was a beast that first week or two and this cute little face is the only thing that kept me going!
Always been a fan of bath time ( even though she looks grouchy in this pic)
This is the first smile of hers I ever caught on camera... I believe she was 3 weeks old.
My friend Mallory took some 1 month shots for us. This is one of Ella posing with the baseball that Sean used to propose to me ( we met when we were 4 and on the same pee wee baseball team so he proposed on the outfield at the local park)
I can barely remember her this small!
The scariest day of 2011 was when Ella had to be admitted to the hospital at 2 months old for Bronchitis... Even though all they had to do was put her on oxygen for a few hours and keep her over night for observation I was worried and scared the whole time! I had never known this kind of worry before... my true welcome to motherhood moment!
Not the best picture of us, but this is our first real first family photo! Ella's first Easter.
After 6 weeks of maternity leave I had to return back to work. I worked at a daycare for 6 years before I had Ella. I loved the children I worked with and met some really awesome people there, but God had different plans for me after I became a mom. In May I switched to being a stay-at-home mom and it is the best decision I have ever made. I love being Ella's sole caregiver and not missing out on any of her milestones and "firsts". Sean had lost his job a few weeks before Ella was born and got a job at WoodMizer the week before Ella arrived.... the only downside was that he was hired on nights... but being at home has allowed me to move Ella's schedule around so that she can see Sean as much as possible each day.
As soon as it was warm enough we started taking Ella to the pool! She is such a water baby and loves to splash around in the water. She didn't even mind it when we would dunk her under!
Ella's first trip to the Indy Motor Speedway. A friend of the family owns one the best suites at the track and invited us out to watch the drivers practice before the 500.
|
Our first time leaving Ella for more than an hour or two... My mom and step-dad took us to Kings Island for my birthday. This was also my first experience with being engorged since I forgot to bring a pump and thought I could just hand express in the bathroom ( wrong) I was so uncomfortable on the ride home... Lesson Learned!!
This is us celebrating a friends birthday at our small group! We meet every other week with a group of people who are all our same age and do a bible study! We've been a part of this for 2 years now and I cannot imagine life without our small group! It always amazes me how God puts exactly the right people in my life at exactly the right times!
Sean and I are youth sponsors for our church's high schoolers. This summer Ella and I traveled 5 hours to Holland, MI to go to a youth conference with them! These are some amazing kids and it is a blessing to be a part of their lives! Ella did amazing during the road trip.. slept most of the time and was soo good all week during the sessions!
We did a photo shoot with my friend Mallory for Sean's Father's Day present! This one was so cute I used it to enter into all of those ridiculous baby photo contests... little did i know you normally have to pay for those sort of things but I don't care she's still the cutest in my book :)
At 4 1/2 months old I couldn't believe she was starting to sit by herself!
My favorite one of Ella and I from that day!
My silly girl loves food!!! She's such a good eater!
Zoo BOO!!! Doesn't she make such a cute zebra!
This is Ella meeting her cousin Daniel for the first time. Daniel is an extremely special little boy! He is a miracle baby for sure. He was born at just 28 weeks and was a fighter from the start! He's such a sweet little boy and kept holding Ella's hand when he met her! I'm sure they will be great friends as they get older!
Ella's first best friend... Her Grando!!! Seriously we are all pretty much chopped liver in comparison!!
These are all from a photo shoot that my friend Mallory did during the Covered Bridge Festival... If you are from Indiana I'm sure you know what that is.... but for those that don't know its just a huge craft fair that spans over a few towns. I can't believe how big my baby is!
This year for Thanksgiving Ella had the chicken pox.... Its really mommy's fault because I had shingles and gave the pox to her... We were quarantined during Turkey Day :( but she was a trooper and never really fussed about her "spots"
This year a few of my awesome friends decided that we need a night each week to just be with girls so Tuesdays are now girls nights! We meet for a few hours... talk, drink wine, play games, clip coupons, watch movies... pretty much anything goes. This has come to be my source of sanity during most weeks. I love getting closer to these ladies and learning about their lives and sharing mine with them! This is a picture of a night when we went to Wine and Canvas with a couple of girls! SO MUCH FUN!!
I will wrap up with this... My favorite picture from Christmas! I can't believe that 2011 is over and that I am currently planning Ella's first birthday party EEEEK !!! I can't wait for whats in store for 2012!
Some of my amazing friends threw me a baby shower :)
My incredibly talented husband built this amazing crib for Ella!!! Luckily he got it finished just in time for us to bring her home... much to his dismay we turned out to be the co-sleeping type of parents. But we are transitioning her to her bed soon and she has always taken her naps in it :)
Feb. 7th Right after my epidural finally kicked in... just an hour or so before my life officially changed forever!
She's Here!!! I can't believe it!
The first time we held our baby girl! So glad that my best friend Mallory was in the room with us to photograph this moment!
SO BIG and such a Daddy's Girl right from the start!!
It's still hard to believe that God has entrusted us with this precious gift!
Our first full day home from the hospital! I couldn't stop staring at her while she slept. Breastfeeding was a beast that first week or two and this cute little face is the only thing that kept me going!
Always been a fan of bath time ( even though she looks grouchy in this pic)
This is the first smile of hers I ever caught on camera... I believe she was 3 weeks old.
My friend Mallory took some 1 month shots for us. This is one of Ella posing with the baseball that Sean used to propose to me ( we met when we were 4 and on the same pee wee baseball team so he proposed on the outfield at the local park)
I can barely remember her this small!
The scariest day of 2011 was when Ella had to be admitted to the hospital at 2 months old for Bronchitis... Even though all they had to do was put her on oxygen for a few hours and keep her over night for observation I was worried and scared the whole time! I had never known this kind of worry before... my true welcome to motherhood moment!
Not the best picture of us, but this is our first real first family photo! Ella's first Easter.
After 6 weeks of maternity leave I had to return back to work. I worked at a daycare for 6 years before I had Ella. I loved the children I worked with and met some really awesome people there, but God had different plans for me after I became a mom. In May I switched to being a stay-at-home mom and it is the best decision I have ever made. I love being Ella's sole caregiver and not missing out on any of her milestones and "firsts". Sean had lost his job a few weeks before Ella was born and got a job at WoodMizer the week before Ella arrived.... the only downside was that he was hired on nights... but being at home has allowed me to move Ella's schedule around so that she can see Sean as much as possible each day.
As soon as it was warm enough we started taking Ella to the pool! She is such a water baby and loves to splash around in the water. She didn't even mind it when we would dunk her under!
Ella's first trip to the Indy Motor Speedway. A friend of the family owns one the best suites at the track and invited us out to watch the drivers practice before the 500.
|Our first time leaving Ella for more than an hour or two... My mom and step-dad took us to Kings Island for my birthday. This was also my first experience with being engorged since I forgot to bring a pump and thought I could just hand express in the bathroom ( wrong) I was so uncomfortable on the ride home... Lesson Learned!!
This is us celebrating a friends birthday at our small group! We meet every other week with a group of people who are all our same age and do a bible study! We've been a part of this for 2 years now and I cannot imagine life without our small group! It always amazes me how God puts exactly the right people in my life at exactly the right times!
Sean and I are youth sponsors for our church's high schoolers. This summer Ella and I traveled 5 hours to Holland, MI to go to a youth conference with them! These are some amazing kids and it is a blessing to be a part of their lives! Ella did amazing during the road trip.. slept most of the time and was soo good all week during the sessions!
We did a photo shoot with my friend Mallory for Sean's Father's Day present! This one was so cute I used it to enter into all of those ridiculous baby photo contests... little did i know you normally have to pay for those sort of things but I don't care she's still the cutest in my book :)
At 4 1/2 months old I couldn't believe she was starting to sit by herself!
My favorite one of Ella and I from that day!
My silly girl loves food!!! She's such a good eater!
Zoo BOO!!! Doesn't she make such a cute zebra!
This is Ella meeting her cousin Daniel for the first time. Daniel is an extremely special little boy! He is a miracle baby for sure. He was born at just 28 weeks and was a fighter from the start! He's such a sweet little boy and kept holding Ella's hand when he met her! I'm sure they will be great friends as they get older!
Ella's first best friend... Her Grando!!! Seriously we are all pretty much chopped liver in comparison!!
These are all from a photo shoot that my friend Mallory did during the Covered Bridge Festival... If you are from Indiana I'm sure you know what that is.... but for those that don't know its just a huge craft fair that spans over a few towns. I can't believe how big my baby is!
This year for Thanksgiving Ella had the chicken pox.... Its really mommy's fault because I had shingles and gave the pox to her... We were quarantined during Turkey Day :( but she was a trooper and never really fussed about her "spots"
This year a few of my awesome friends decided that we need a night each week to just be with girls so Tuesdays are now girls nights! We meet for a few hours... talk, drink wine, play games, clip coupons, watch movies... pretty much anything goes. This has come to be my source of sanity during most weeks. I love getting closer to these ladies and learning about their lives and sharing mine with them! This is a picture of a night when we went to Wine and Canvas with a couple of girls! SO MUCH FUN!!
I will wrap up with this... My favorite picture from Christmas! I can't believe that 2011 is over and that I am currently planning Ella's first birthday party EEEEK !!! I can't wait for whats in store for 2012!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)