The toddler stage... also less lovingly called the terribly twos. Like most of her milestones Ella has hit this one early. For the past few weeks she has been a TERROR! Throwing things, kicking, hitting, fits, whining, saying " NO" to everything, the list goes on. Most days I feel at my wits end with her. What happened to my sweet daughter who loves to give hugs and was content to sit on my lap and read 100 books each day. A lot of the time she is soo good for everyone else. She behaves for her Grandparents and most of the time calms down by the time Daddy gets home from work each evening. She plays with him on the floor and giggles and laughs the whole time he's giving her a bath at night. While I love that she's showing him so much attention, lately I feel like , to Ella, I have turned into this yelling monster who is constantly telling her no and putting her in time outs. I'm the bad guy who won't let her do fun things like climb the entertainment center shelves, dance on the coffee table, or put random things in the outlets.
This is not what I set out to be when I wanted to become a parent. I did not want my days to be filled with time outs and "no's". I didn't want my daughter to get into the habit of hiding from me when she makes mistakes. Yes she literally tries to hide from me when she's done something wrong. This is something I have been deeply concerned about for a while. What kind of parent do I want to be? What message do I want my parenting style to send to my child? Am I setting a good example to Ella of what a mother should be?
This is my new commitment to Ella. That in these few months we have left of her being our only child, I will get into the habit of being intentional with my parenting style. I'm sure you are thinking to yourself " Now Heather isn't it enough to just love your child". More and more I am seeing that no its not enough to just love your child. I can love Ella and still spend my days letting her run wild and just scream at her when she gets out of hand. It is a choice to walk beside her and try to show her why I don't want her to act that way. It is a choice to intentionally discipline her.
Anywho, for the past few days I have been thinking a lot about what I want our parenting style to convey to Ella. So far I have come up with a few things that I want her and eventually her brother to know.
1. We prayed for you. You were not accidents or something that just happened to us. We prayed long and hard about when the right time to have children was. Then it took a long time after we finally said " we're ready" for us to actually get pregnant. I want them to always know that they aren't a circumstance that we are dealing with. They are gifts that we are trying to properly take care of.
2. Our love is truly unconditional. There isn't anything you could do or say that will take it away. That doesn't mean I won't get upset with you and or be angry, but I hope they always know that love is the driving force behind our actions.
3. We enjoy you. Though right now it doesn't seem like it. I'm sure Ella feels like I was sent to earth to destroy all of her fun lol. But we do enjoy having kids. Our hearts are filled each day when we you giggle and learn. I look forward to teaching you things and Daddy can't wait to get home from work to just be with you!
4. You are safe and in an environment that encourages you to learn. Our goal is that our children know that it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We don't want to get so wrapped up in our hatred of cleaning house that our kids feel like they can't explore or make a mess. It's hard to turn the other way when Ella colors off of her paper and onto the table, but I know she is just figuring out how to manipulate the markers across the page. I have to make a conscious effort to not scold her for making messes while she's learning.
So that is as far as I have gotten with this. It may sound like a bunch of chatter to most people, but its something that has weighed heavily on my heart recently. It is definitely something I am putting to prayer each night! How about you? Do you have a parenting style you are trying to stick with?
