My Village

Meet my Village! In my last blog post I talked about praying for the people who "do life" with my family and I. This is a picture of most of the women who I "do life" with.

I was not one to be friends with a lot of girls growing up. I was the only girl in my family and I played sports. To say I was a tomboy is an under statement. I was unaware of how wonderful a community of girls could be. And then girls night was born. It started out as just a couple of us girls getting together once a week for some kid free, husband free girl time. We drank wine, talked about movies, music, random things we had seen in the news or in magazines that week. Slowly girls night developed into something much more. It became a place where we felt safe. A place where no topic was off limits. Where we could ask questions about God, marriage, image, careers, random medical conditions, child rearing and much more. It became something that is crucial to my daily sanity. Going through the week knowing that on Girls Night we will all sit together and chat for an hour or two helps me put things in perspective. Girls Night also flowed into other parts of our lives. It encouraged our husbands to want to hang out with each other and slowly our families all started hanging out together. I got to know their children and started to view them as more of family than just friends.

I am a firm believer in the statement "It takes a village to raise a child". These people love my children almost as much as I do. They care for us and know us. They pray for us and with us. They help us to find hope in bad situations and are there to hold our hands when things don't turn out the way we want them to. They are my community, my family, My Village!

Before they know themselves

Today Jack is 3 months old and I am celebrating that I reached my second mini goal with pumping :) When I think back to starting this journey with Jack and how scared I was it doesn't really seem possible that we have made it this far already. All the nights spent crying while trying to hold my screaming baby while I pumped milk for his bottle. How awesome it felt the day I got a bottle ahead of him and he didn't have to wait for me to pump in order to eat. The first full bag of milk that I was able to put in the freezer. The day I had to buy a deep freezer because I had no where else to put milk. These are not the milestones I expected to be celebrating with Jack, but they are our milestones and they mean a lot to us.

Pumping has opened up this weird kind of space in my schedule each day. I have to be sitting down next to the outlet while I am plugged in and pumping it up ( as Ella would say). What am I to do with these 20 minutes every 3 hours? Sometimes I watch episodes of a t.v. series, sometimes I catch up on the games of Ruzzle I have going on, sometimes I surf facebook, blogger and pinterest.

 Lately though, I have started to use this time to pray about my babies. To pray about the village of people who surround me and my family and do life with us. To pray about the children of my closest friends.

I was watching the show Pregnant in Heels and there was a women who was nervous about motherhood because she had lost her own mother at a very young age. She was worried that she wouldn't be a good mother because she wouldn't have the ability to call up her mom and ask her the millions of questions that every new mom has. She said "It is hard to not have that one person around who loved me before I even  knew myself". That statement stopped me in my tracks. How true is that of a parent. I hold these precious gifts in my hands each day and love them with all my heart. I have no idea what kind of people they will become. What they will like or dislike. What talents they will possess. What their downfalls and struggles will be. None of that matters to me. They are my babies and I love them! I am finding this to be a lot better use of my pumping time. I am enjoying the chance to sit still and talk to my Father about what kind of people my children will become and how I can help mold them into the people He knit them to be.

My Song, Mommy?

When Ella was a baby the only thing that used to calm her down was to sing to her. Each night she would want to lay in my arms and listen to a few songs. And each night I would struggle to remember the words of nursery rhymes. It seems silly because one would think that nursery rhymes are permanently engrained in our brains from when we were children... that is not the case with me. I would get one or two lines in and switch to a new song because I couldn't remember anything else lol. I finally just gave up on nursery rhymes all together. I began singing songs that I loved as a kid. Songs like Landslide and Silver Spring by Fleetwood Mac, Barrell of Money, and a wide assortment of worship songs.

The one song that always was in the front of my mind when I would rock Ella was the song "Make You Feel my Love". It got to the point where I would just sing that to her each night. It slowly has developed into "our song". This morning I was playing songs from my "labor" mix on my computer. It is a list of songs that I have used as focal points during labor with both my kids. Ella was sitting on my lap and that song started playing and she got the  biggest smile on her face.

"My song, mommy?" she asked.
  "You are absolutely right" I replied.

 She sat there with me as I told her about why that is her song. I told her about how on the day she was born I played that song over and over. She sat quietly and twirled my hair as I talked about my problem with forgetting lyrics to children's songs and how this song kept creeping up each time I would rock her. She looked at me like she was soaking in every word and able to understand all of the meaning behind it. I know that her two year old mind was just enjoying the music playing in the background but my 26 year old heart was melting!

In case you are wondering, Jack also has a song. His is "A Place Only You can Go" by NeedtoBreathe.

An Update on the Kiddos

This is slightly over due. I haven't really had the time lately to sit down and write about anything. A lot has been going on in both our lives and the lives of close friends around us. Here is a quick update on Ella and Jack.
 Ella is learning new things everyday. She is constantly surprising me with the stuff she knows. I swear each day there is a new color, letter, shape or number that she has talking to about. She is also talking in full sentences now and becoming quite the comedian. Her new favorite "joke"
Ella: Knock Ock Mommy ( yes that is how she says knock knock)
Me: Whose there
Ella: Insanely loud laughter followed by her yelling "Oh Ella so funny"

She is amazing to me. Of course I have always felt like she is the smartest, most beautiful and loving little girl that ever existed ( not that I am biased or anything) but watching her little personality bloom has been such a blessing to me! I feel incredibly lucky to be her Momma!
 

                                              Ella helping Jack eat his bottle

                                   I walked in to check on her during nap and found her
                                     sleeping like this, so beautiful!


 Jack is growing like crazy! His little cheeks are filling out and he is belly laughing a lot more now. He is figuring out his hands and how to grab onto toys when he wants to. He wants to roll sooo bad but just isn't quite there yet. He is also sleeping between 8-10 hours every night now as well, which for Sean and I has been a huge help! I fall more in love with this little man every day!

                                              My favorite expression of Jack's

                                          Jack crashed out during tummy time

1 month goal!

Ah! We have reached our first mini goal! When the Lactation Consultant (LC) told me that it would be nearly impossible for Jack to nurse I was crushed. I assumed that meant that he would have to have formula and my dreams of breast feeding him were vanishing.

 I went back to our hospital room and quickly started scouring the internet for some sort of other option. I knew that it was possible to pump breast milk and give it to him through a bottle. But the concept of keeping that up long term is something I had no idea existed. From my own research I found that while its not very common, there are women out there who Exclusively Pump (EP). These women, whether due to medical difficulties, past abuse, failure to latch, or supply issues, choose to pump their milk and bottle feed it to their babies for as long as they can. I recently saw a woman in one of my EP boards that kept it up for 34 months (Way longer than I plan to do).

 So with a new found hope I decided that I would not give up on my goal of giving Jack breast milk for his first year. After all I had nursed Ella until she was 14 months and I was so looking forward to sharing that bond with Jack. Though at times it is still hard for me to come to grips with the fact that Jack and I aren't on the path I had originally planned. It is still hard for me to sit in the infant cry room at my church and see other moms holding their babies to their chest while I am holding Jack's bottle in his mouth or hooked up to my pump. I find it hard to not be jealous of them and that special time they get to spend with their babies. In a way I feel like I am in mourning over it still, but those are feelings that I am working through.

 One of the first things I learned about EPing was that I should make mini goals. My first mini goal was to get Jack to 1 month old on only breast milk and today is that day :). This has not been a cake walk thus far and I know there are going to be more obstacles to come but here are some tid bits of advice from the lessons we have learned during our first month of EPing. If you or someone you know is considering EPing or you are currently going through this journey with your baby I have found it helpful to:

1. Have a support system! It is so important to have people cheering you on and who are willing to help in any way possible. My hubby has been my hero during this learning process, taking care of both of the kids while I hook up to the pump and try to concentrate on not being stressed ( not an easy task). It has also been so amazing to have friends who understand why I am putting myself through this and who support me by allowing me to pump at their homes while we hang out and not making a big deal about it. I have pumped at their homes during our girls nights or just times when our families hang out together. They completely understand when I am running 20 minutes behind because I had to pump before leaving the house. My family was amazing with this during the holidays. I even pumped at the card table while playing rummy with my two brothers.
2. Educate yourself and those around you! You will soon find that there is not a lot of material out there about EPing. Even my pediatrician , whom I love, told me that I probably won't be able to keep up with EPing for a long time. I have read stories of both women who have made it to 12 months and women who found it impossible. There are so many herbal remedies, prescription medicines, dietary changes, etc. that you can take to help your milk supply grow and be able to maintain it. Currently I am taking Reglan ( a prescription drug that aides lactation) and Fenugreek ( an herbal supplement). I also make sure to eat at least 2 servings of oatmeal a day which makes a huge difference for me. Educating those around you about EPing will also help you a lot. I make sure to fill my friends in on my discoveries and what I am finding helpful. A lot of people look at me like I have two heads when I tell them that I pump for 20 minutes every 3 hours around the clock. They wonder why I would put myself through that and tell me repeatedly that it would be so much easier to just switch him to formula. But for me that isn't even an option right now. For me there has never been a gray area about giving Jack breast milk. If its there and I can supply it to him, then I am willing to do whatever it takes. Babies with cleft palates get ear infections a lot ( up to 1 a month). Breast milk helps cut that number down significantly. It is also easy for cleft palate babies to aspirate their milk which means that they breathe some of it into their lungs while eating. If they aspirate anything it can be dangerous but breast milk is not as harmful if aspirated. Cleft palate babies will all eventually have surgery. Breast milk contains antibodies that help fight off infections that are soo easy to catch in the hospital and after surgery.
 3. Join a support group for EPers! I just joined an EP group on facebook and it has been a life saver! It is so nice to be able to ask questions and get real life answers from women who have been in your shoes. They don't judge you for being emotional about certain things or for worrying more than normal. THey don't even bat an eye when you are crying at 1 am because you spilled half an ounce of breast milk that took you 10 minutes to pump :)
 4. Set small goals and celebrate them! Know that every bit of breast milk you give your child makes a difference! This is something that I am constantly telling and retelling myself! At first I thought, Ok this is possible and I am going to get Jack to 12 months, then I realized exactly how long 12 months is and how many things could happen between here and there. It is so much easier and more practical to set smaller goals for yourself. My first goal was 1 month and I am so incredibly happy to say that we have accomplished that! My next goal is 3 months and 2 weeks ago that seemed impossible but now it seems so much more manageable.

 5. Find a Lactation Consultant and ask her a million questions :)! I cannot express how much I love my LC. She answers my emails quickly, was so kind and compassionate when I cried like a baby in her office when Jack wouldn't latch and completely understands why I want to work so hard to give him breast milk. A good LC is an invaluable resource and I could not imagine going through this without one!

So there is what I have found helpful so far. Any other EPers out there? What helps/helped you?

Here is an adorable picture of my sweet 1 month old boy!