It's hard to believe that you aren't here to witness this. To see me as a wife and as a mother. It is even harder not having your advice and guidance in these areas of my life. The longer I am away from you the harder it is for me to remember the small details. How you got your cookies to be exactly the same size, when and where to plant my vegetable garden, what is the right amount of lumps in the mashed potatoes.
Most of the time I feel like I'm making it up as I go. I hope you are proud of me. I get worried that I'm not living up to the woman you raised me to be. I can't ever seem to be as compassionate or patient as you were.
I'm mostly sad that Ella doesn't get the chance to know you. To learn from you. To feel your unconditional love. That is the cruelest part of death. Never being able to fully describe the person to someone who has never met them. You would have loved her. She is sassy and she loves to dance. She is smart and beautiful and outgoing! She would also love you! She definitely has your since of humor and she show cases all of her emotions with her eyebrows!
I know you are in a better place and I am so happy that you are not suffering anymore. You were the strongest woman I have ever known and in so many ways I am still trying to live up to you. One day we will meet again and I will fill you in on all of my mistakes and mishaps as a mother! I am sure you will laugh and tell me the story about how mom poured baby powder all over her bedroom floor so she could ice skate on it :)
But for now, at 12:30 on a random Wednesday morning I.am. MISSING. YOU!
