I've got a fever...

The weather has been weird lately. I know I live in Indiana and the weather is always weird but this winter has been incredibly mild and seems to be coming to an end fairly early... which has me longing for summer. Spring is my least favorite season. It's pretty yes, but its like the temperature can't make up its mind. It's beautiful outside one minute and raining the next. Its all a little draining for me... I have always been a summer and fall type girl. I love hot days lounging by a pool and I love the beauty that is the midwest in the fall. Normally when I've had my fill of winter and start getting antsy for summer I start longing for the hot days, the BBQ's, the vacations, the days spent entirely in the pool... However this year I can't seem to stop thinking of something entirely different...

Babies...

I was in my first trimester of pregnancy in the summer with Ella and the hot days were so hard on me. I drove a bus full of kids to the pool several times a week and when the temp. is 90 and there is no air conditioning it really wears on a pregnant lady. I wasn't very sick with Ella but I always had to have a Gatorade by my side in case I got nauseous... it was the only thing that helped. Tonight I am sipping a Gatorade and Ella is asleep beside me and all I can think of is wanting to be pregnant again. Not because Ella isn't enough. God knows that this little darling is perfect in my eyes :) Mostly because that has always been in the plan... ya know, love and marriage, house, fence, 2.5 kids.

It took us quite a while to conceive Ella and I am so nervous that it will take that or even longer next time. I also worry that my next pregnancy will be horrible and I will be sick all the time. But more than all the worry about the what ifs... I am excited. Lord willing I will get pregnant again. I will get morning sickness and my feet will swell. I will get more stretch marks and my belly will feel like its literally going to explode... but I will get to experience that feeling again...

The feeling that my body is doing exactly what it was designed to do. That I look exactly like I'm supposed to look. I know some women feel gross when they are pregnant and as their bellies get bigger they dread looking in the mirror, but I have to admit that I loved being pregnant. I always looked in the mirror and felt like I looked exactly the way I was supposed to. God had chosen me to help him form this new life... a piece of Sean and a piece of me... and that takes up space... loooots of space! I felt beautiful, swollen ankles and all!

That being said I am entering this time of patience again. A time where I throw up my hands and let God do His thang as far as timing goes ( as if He ever really consults me on these matters). This time around I will not let my anxiety run my life. I will sit back and trust that it will happen when its supposed to and until it does I will enjoy ever second that I get to spend with Ella as an only child!

Here are my favorite pics of my pregnancy with Ella.

 We actually didn't know she was snapping this pic of us... Were just this cute on a normal basis :)

 My bump was so little then

 You can't see my belly in this one but I like this pic of us.

 The day before we found out we were having a girl!